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Monday, 13 January 2020


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During a flight, a former Para Corporal going on vacation was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The former Para pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the ex Corporal responded, “Ma’am, that’s a good looking baby … and he sure was hungry!”

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby’s ears.

The Para sadly shook his head, and in true military fashion exclaimed, “And to think all these years, I’ve been chewing bubblegum.”


The coppers stop David around 2 a.m. and ask where he is going at this time of night.

David: “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, and staying out late.”

Cop: “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

David: “My wife.”


Three mice are in a bar bragging about how tough they are. First mouse says, “When I see mouse bait, I like to put a pinch between my cheek and gum and get a good high for the day”, and then slams his bottle on the bar.

Second mouse says, “When I see a mousetrap, I take the cheese, catch the bar in my teeth and do twenty reps with the bar”, and then slams his bottle on the bar.

The third mouse drinks his drink, puts the glass on the counter and says “I don’t have time for this shit, I gotta go home and fuck the cat.”


On his 80th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.

The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: “1-2-3.’ When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say 1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked: “What was the 1-2-3 for?”


What do you call an Pakistani who owns both a camel and a goat?


Thank you, JK, some rea l 'corkers' there!

Well done JK.



I don't get it.

Regarding the funeral, you left off the second punch line.

After the Jewish man asks to borrow the dog, he's told to go to the back of the line.

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