Yes, sorry, sorry but I slept in this morning and then got caught for domestic duties - "the horror, oh the horror!"
After his exam the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, I am
usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second
time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
Later, after examining the man's elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears To be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
She replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied.
"That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
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A BUSY DAY AT THE PEARLY GATES
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.
"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.
Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.
I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips.
I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.
On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.
At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.
Saint Peter thanked him for his story and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
"I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.
I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot.
I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.
Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer of the day enters.
He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.
"I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest . . .
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A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a couple of months later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another couple of months later she's back in the doctor's office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."
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