Well, I think that's most of the world insulted!

Another contribution from a regular visitor to these distinguished columns!  Of course, it contains some gross calumnies against various pround nations but, hey, that's humour for you!

Coronavirus
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon, though, that level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross". The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard”. They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”. 

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate”. Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

The Russians have said “Its not us”.

 

 

 

Comments

[preussenotto]

Well done sirrah!

[Bob]

What are we Americans, chopped liver? Some thanks for all those Range Rovers menacing our highways.

The Department of Homeland Security has reinstated the post 9-11 Emergency Color Code system with some minor changes:

Mauve ("Calm, but Tense")

Fuchsia ("Relatively High")

Magenta ("A Tad Higher Than Relatively High, but Not Totally High")

Key Lime ("Partly Cloudy")

Maroon ("Dark Brownish Red")

Peach ("Viewer Discretion Advised")

Burnt Umber ("Medium Rare")

Tangerine ("Uh-Oh")

Jalapeno ("Everyone Down!")

Traffic Cone Orange ("Yikes!")

[David Duff]

Don't ask what 'Dark Brown' indicates!

[Mary]

Bob, you're a nice guy and it's so good that you've had this thing and got better but at some point you Americans became irrelevant. Not only because each country is fighting its own battle, but also because your Great Leader has made it abundantly clear that only American lives matter. Let's be in no doubt, we're on our own. So are you.

[JK]

Bob, Mary's absolutely right - you ought pay attention to what she's said.

But also Bob there's something I suspect was inevitable so I probably shouldn't be feeling so awful about having to admit to you I'm finding myself in a 100% agreeable condition with what a former Obama administration official's opinion is:

https://thehill.com/homenews/media/488500-msnbc-guest-walks-off-interview-i-dont-have-time-to-listen-to-bulls-people

Meet Craig Fugate Bob. Craig this is Bob.

[Liz]

Below JK's article on the Hill I spotted this ...

https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/488677-democrats-balk-at-1200-rebate-checks-in-stimulus-plan

It going to be fascinating watching the US do socialism, isn't it?! All the arguments Blighty and the Euros have had since 1945 replayed through our offspring. As that fabulous colonel from Monty Python would cut in and say from time to time, "It's all part of growing up and being British!"

Yes, indeedy: "Tomorrow belongs to you", Bob.

I wonder for how long though? As one sees the post-socialist economies of southeast Asia motoring past C19 with their hi-tech, market-process, operational forms - market-communism, one wonders if this is the "flip moment" when East and west inverts? The east dominates and starts to look down its nose at Capt Mainwaring and VI Lenin buggering about and cocking things up.

And then the debt dam bursts. That will be the epicentre of "the flip moment".

Yeah, enjoy your 15 minutes of fame Bob!

SoD

[Loz]

Comrades and Country-Bumpkins, I couldn't find the Colonel saying "It's all part of growing up and being British", but this one's for "you lot" anyway - with Love duckies! ...

https://youtu.be/E2ecasPqhgk

They don't make 'em like 'at no more, do 'ey?!

SoD

[Whitewall]

Well Bob, you got better just to become irrelevant? No doubt rewarding.

[Whitewall]

SoD, I see 'Loz' became 'Liz' above...not doing one of those gender fluid jobbies are you?

[Bob]

Mary, Craig and others,

Don't project your opinions of the US on me. I'm under no illusion about world politics, media, or I hope much else. It was inevitable that the role of the US would diminish in the world. Post WWII conditions couldn't last forever. Worse, starting with Nixon the image of America has been damaged repeatedly. I wouldn't go so far as "irrelevant", though.

Throwing shade at America doesn't make the UK any smarter, either. BoJo decided to run a mass experiment with herd immunity on all of you. I tend to be somewhat pessimistic about the possible results. But as Trump would say, "prosperity is just around the corner". Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover said similar things during the Great Depression.

[JK]

For what it's worth Bob, and though hesitant (yeah right, JK's hesitant!) to put meaning to what Mary's intent is, is that 'fighting this war' so far as others [nations] are concerned, the US is irrelevant. Everybody is, indeed, on their own.

I would though take care to point out to Mary's, - "your Great Leader has made it abundantly clear that only American lives matter" - as if Mary a President of the United States (indeed any head of whatever state) having not his/her own nation's citizens at the forefront is a problem?

Our Presidents you ought understand operate solely according to the strictures of the oath they're bound by - "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

[Bob]

JK,

There's already a huge international effort by scientists to control C19. It would certainly work better if our pols were smarter, but everything is not about politics.

[JK]

"But everything is not about politics."

Exactly so Bob but I'm not a personage in any position that needs telling.

[Mary]

Thank you for that clarification JK. I wasn't trying to project, just bemoaning the fact that international cooperation is now officially over, all alliances are for nought and Donald Trump is a fabulous metaphor for looking after number one if an individual can be a metaphor.

[Bob]

Mary,

The Chinese published the genome for the C19 virus in February and released it to the world. They've also sent teams of doctors to Italy to help with the crisis there. Scientists in the US are cooperating and sharing research with others all over the world:

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2020/02/completely-new-culture-doing-research-coronavirus-outbreak-changes-how-scientists

Please don't think most Americans are anything like Trump, though I'll have to admit there are far too many.

[JK]

Well Mary ... Or ought I respond to you as Musey? ... at any rate rather than 'nought' per the usage you're presenting the spelling might been more precise put as 'naught.'

Twasn't so much to finally see through to Musey, just better luck next time.

I'm done.

Have fun Bob. "Mary" seems your natural ally - y'all deserve each other.

[Mary]

JK, I don't have any ill will.. never have. I like Bob because he's the voice of sanity around here and I don't want to upset him. Nought, naught, what does that matter? I just think that we all should be cooperating right now, not fighting.Also, in agreement with Bob, scientists are far better people than politicians.

[JK]

"I just think that we all should be cooperating right now, not fighting" so you're worried Trump's gonna be landing an invasion force on Port Arthur Musey .. what, the assault troops consisting of politicians worrisome?

Heck a modern repeat of Operation Tiger being not, at least, desirable in the main Musey - Say your last to me and be done with it Girl.

Spew.

[Mary]

Okay. I think you're a malicious drunk with a turn of phrase that gets you a let off. Because you're funny and everyone is laughing at you. i could post some of your most senseless posts but I can't be bothered. Irrelevant begins with you.I think that you're much more sober now than you used to be because you used to make no sense at all. Now, we know what you mean but it doesn't count for anything. In truth, it never did. You were light entertainment.

No love lost there then.

Is that a fine enough spew? There's more where that came from.

[JK]

Oh c'mon Girl, feel free.

Give me the best that you got 'cause what's so far ain't squat.

'Fine enough spew' No Girl not that 'fine' stuff spew me some chunky like you're into it.

Give it all you got. With gusto. Show me it ain't just you afflicted with a little 'tennis wrist' but full-on tennis elbow - like you need arthroscopic surgery spew.

C'mon now Girl - Hurl!

Don't be a pansy-girl - Rear back and Hurl-Girl!

That was you realize Musey, always your limit. Never could quite accomplish.

[Mary]

JK, I've spent my life not accomplishing anything, I just bumble along. Totally ordinary.

I look after my neighbours. I look out for my family without being too selfish. I worry for my son who is a doctor on the frontline. This is not about me and my deficiencies. It's about being aware of the place you're in and the needs of your local community. Also, the old lady who lives next door, who is rich, but helpless in these circumstances. She knows that I'll always look after her..because to do anything different is when we lose our humanity.

[JK]

Well I think that's got most the world insulted then Musey.

A'cept for anybody in Arkansas anyway but you tried I suppose.

*Hint for future effort - Don't mistake zeal for sincerity. Don't mistake wanton trifling with sincere humility.

(Incidentally I checked - appears you survived the recent conflagrations for the better-than-most most part intact? You're as we say over here Musey, and in Britain as best I recall "a piece of work" I don't know as I recall the need of the idiom ever coming up whenever I found myself in the southern hemisphere - not to be meaning you don't 'need some help' Musey, it's simply that I checked, did a follow-through, and accomplished - Well, a little words/phrases and some bit of paying attention through the 'thick & thin' was helpful too. Playing a malicious drunk on the internet is more difficult than you'll ever appreciate Musey.)

[Mary]

David, what happened to my original comment? It's madness. You know what? I never agreed with a word that you said, not in essence, but I thought that you were trustworthy. How can you live with yourself?

[Mary]

Well JK, you've achieved something. I suppose that you love this guy deleting comments because they don't follow the narrative? My original comment has disappeared as has some of the responses.

Already saved, always visible if need be..and made all the more potent by the suppression. Which is pathetic by the way. Do you want me to put it up because it's saved.? You can delete all you like.

The thing is David, is that I totally believed in your integrity. Totally.

[JK]

Hmmm Musey,

Personally, well at least here on the USA end I'm not seeing a damned thing missing you tapped that I responded to nor, am I seeing anything you're, I take it alledging's been deleted.

F'instance your calling me a malicious drunk and me acknowledging same as well as my saying 'you need help' are all still up - don't suppose Musey the Australian Government's onto you do you? Slipped something into your personal water supply?

Maybe Musey your time may be better served walking down the hall to your mental health professional and asking her where your comments went.

[Mary]

Actually JK you play a malicious drunk, effortlessly, Because that's who you are. And I'm completely over you being funny because you're not. You have also managed to compromise our man here who I used to believe in. Not because he didn't have his prejudices but because he told the truth as he saw it and his prejudice was open. out there, I'm used to that.

David, you can delete all you like but in the real world we're still trying to say human, be kind, and help others. It's really important to help out this who are in in bad situation. Really, really.Look out for you neighbours and be kind.There's no other way to live.

[JK]

"And I'm completely over you"

Well I wouldn't describe dealing with you Musey as "effortless."

And me "compromising" David?

Ordinarily I'd reply, "Come again?" but I'd rather you not but that's just me. Mayhaps Bob'll proffer the offer but now he's seen me'n you interplaying (though he's not in possession of the history) he'll pause and ask himself, "Whoa! If JK's going at this to no apparent end and Musey [Mary] continues to the same dead end why bother, why not sit back and watch the irregardless comments roll by? Well maybe because I [Bob] recognize this for what it is - a pissing contest between a malicious drunk and a madwoman? I think (Bob says to himself) I'd be better served seeing if I can pull up Sean Spicer Dancing With The Stars re-runs on Hulu - maybe even watch that Hillary documentary or maybe probably better, take a nap."

So good bye Musey/Mary - the last word's yours.

I expect I can live with being totally humiliated by the likes of you of course - such is my level of expectation.

Though - be creative!

[Mary]

Meh. You started this. if you want a few home truths delivered, I'm your mad woman. An awkward customer, not bothered at all by your crazy commentary. Have another drink. It'll make you feel better and you might make more sense...but I doubt it. You're a regular commenter around here so I'll move aside now.

I could have been more creative but I'm kind. Unless provoked,