DUFF & NONSENSE!

Testing! Testing! Testing!

The entire country - or at least our 'ruling classes' and the 'meeja' - seem to be obsessed with testing, testing, testing for this damned 'virus-thingie'!  Why?  OK, if you feel ill then it is entirely reasonable to have a check-up to find out what it might be but if, like me, you are the usual rag-bag mix of 'aches 'n' pains' and 'twinges 'n' twangs' then what is the point of being tested?  For a start, it means going to a testing station where, obviously, there is a very much higher risk of mingling with people who already have the virus.  In my totally un-medically trained mind, the very last place to visit is a testing station!  In fact, just yesterday I was forced to visit my local surgery for my 3-monthly jabs for 'this, that 'n' the other'.  I was somewhat reluctant to go anywhere near a surgery but as I have been diagnosed with prostate cancer, one fear overcame the other fear and so I went.  Happily, the 'Nursie' was an intelligent lady and told me to wait outside in my car and she would wave me in when it was my turn. So, in I went, duly dropped my trousers and received 'a prick in the bum' - don't bother, I do the jokes round here!  Anyway, I remain convinced that my days will be ended by a No. 16 bus which, as a former bus-driver myself, is only right, fitting and proper!

 

 

 

Where have all the starlings gone?

 

I haven't seen a single starling this Spring!  And I really, really miss them!  Such cocky, strutting, little birds and sometimes their markings are superb.  Please don't tell me that dreaded virus-thingie has got to them!  I might burst into tears!

 

Still more reasons to avoid the BBC

It has been several years ago since I first began to avoid the BBC whose tilt to the Left has become ever more apparent.  Today, Tom Harwood in The Telegraph exposes even more blatant bias.  The "Panorama" programme used to be a superb example of honest political reporting - but not now!

Research from Guido Fawkes yesterday remarkably revealed that every single doctor interviewed for Panorama had a history of left-wing political activism. The Labour Party links were so deep that the programme turned into more of a Party Political Broadcast than a piece of serious journalism. It even shared the same cast as one, as Panorama’s trainee GP (and wannabe MP) Sonia Adesara genuinely appeared in the Labour’s 2019 TV adverts.

The BBC charges £157.50 per year for the exceedingly doubtful privilege of watching their mostly crap output which, as far as political coverage is concerned, is now so LEFT-biased as to defy belief.  True, as an officially designated 'Old Geezer', I no longer pay but it is a disgrace that most people have to - or face legal prosecution!

Come on, Boris, put those nappies down and get back to work - starting by selling off the BBC"

 

 

 

 

This European 'parrody' is dead!

Mr. Praline: 'EU's not pinin'! 'EU's passed on! This parrody is no more! It has ceased to be! 'EU's expired and gone to meet 'its maker! 'EU's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'EU rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'it to the perch 'EU'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Its metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'EU's off the twig! 'EU's kicked the bucket, 'it's shuffled off 'its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-EU!!

My apologies to the brilliant Monty Python crew who invented the famous 'Dead Parrot' sketch for taking such liberties with their script but I simply could not resist it after reading an article at The Spectator site.  Here's a few tasters for you to relish - or in SoD's case, to weep over!

The European Union has done it again. Last Thursday, member states agreed on an aid package of more than half a trillion euros (£436bn). A good portion of that money will be used to revitalise the economies in Italy and Spain, the two European countries that have suffered the most deaths due to the virus so far. But the recovery fund was only made possible because the agreement avoided an explicit mention of jointly-issued debt, which has been anathema to Germany, Finland or the Netherlands. ‘It is impossible that debt could be communitised’, Angela Merkel said after the package was announced. The German chancellor and other state leaders oppose ‘coronabonds’, arguing that such a concept would punish those countries, like Germany, that have built up reserves during good times. 

Perhaps the only people to be totally unsurprised are the Greeks who have been through all this before and know full well that there is no 'community' in the European 'community', it is all just a German racket in which their currency is very neatly devalued by being associated with the EU which allows them to export their manufactures to the rest of Europe - and the world.  As The Sectator puts it:

‘If Europe does not rise to this unprecedented challenge, the whole European structure loses its raison d’être for the people,’ said Italian prime minister Giuseppe Conte in March. What Conte envisions as raison d’être is financial solidarity and especially support of weaker member states, not only during an extraordinary crisis but in general. The strong economies are supposed to fund the weaker ones, creating a level playing field within the EU.

That’s not what the strong economies have in mind. The strongest of them all, Germany, may praise the EU as a peace project and geopolitical player with the potential to stand up to superpowers, but more importantly it views the EU as a single market for its export-oriented companies and industries in need of cheap labour. 

As for La Belle France, it is shown up constantly as saying one thing and doing another:

Since his 2017 election victory, parts of the European media have praised French president Emmanuel Macron for his pro-European stance, arguing that he seems more committed to the implementation of joint EU policies than Angela Merkel. But Berlin knows that much of the talk about common strategies and solidarity is just rhetoric. Macron has, again and again, pledged to fight selfish nationalism and put the EU above individual interests. He grandly talks about European solidarity, but when a deal for some financial leeway for France is possible, he will cut that deal for the sake of his people. Still, the ruler in the Élysée Palace has a way to appear as a visionary who is above ‘nationalistic narrow-mindedness’.

Thank God, 'We, the British 'peeps', had the intelligence to vote ourselves out of that German racket and now we can 'duck 'n' dive' to our own tune.  It may not always be the best tune but it will be our tune!

 

 

 

Good to see you again, Boris, but . . .

And, yes, I can imagine your 'In-tray' is fuller than even my tummy is after Christmas lunch but, even so, please, please do not forget the Chinese problem!  It is growing and, alas, it is no longer an external threat.  If you permit that Huawei deal to go ahead and allow them to control our new 5G networks then you will be guilty of gross misconduct in office!  It must be ended and it must be ended NOW!

Do your duty!

Your Monday Funnies: 27.4.20

And, boy, I do know how much y'all need a laugh!

 

An Aussie joke but you can substitute your own 'poli' of choice on the book cover!

 

 

 

The Scottish Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."

"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.

He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."

Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.

Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.

"There are no discounts.. The price is still £5000."

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.

After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?"

The man replied, " Edinburgh."

"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh .."

"I know." the man said.. "Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer
She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

I don’t know if this is true or not but I believe it!  The year was 1947.
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, 70 years ago,
numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO),
with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just
outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up
by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organisations.

However, what you may NOT know is that during the month of April 1948,
nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:

Barrack Obama
Sr. Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden

This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.  I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It certainly did for me.

 

I do hope that in these tedious times you managed to squeeze a smile from this collection!

 

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 26.4.20

Mr. President - just 'shaddup'!    I gather that I may be a tad too late with my advice to Mr. President because I read that he has now given up his ad hoc press briefings.  It is, and has been for years, obvious that Donald Trump is not good at 'off the cuff' speechifying.  Alas, in the battle between his ego and his ability to express coherent thoughts, his ego has won - until now.  From now on, I gather - I hope! - he will confine his speechifying to words written for him by his advisors.  Were he to continue in his old vein he would need to wear a red nose and allow his pants to fall down regularly!

 

Think twice before moaning!   As an ex-soldier I can claim to be a fully-trained 'moaner 'n' groaner'!  Of course, given this bloody-bloody lockdown situation there is plenty about which to 'moan 'n' groan'.  However, this morning I happened upon one of those episodes from the superb series "The World at War".  This one featured the siege of Leningrad and suffice to say I will never 'moan 'n' groan' again - ever!

 

In which Oliver Kamm lives up to my high estimation of him:   I will not attempt to paraphrase his excellent essay over at the CAPX site lest I inadvertently make an error and his 'razor-laser-mind' catches it and he admonishes me - well, it used to happen 'back in the day'! Just do yourselves a favour and give him a read!

 

Tragic but interesting stats!   From the 'Hefferlump's' superb history, "Staring at God". By mid-1915 -

"It was estimated one officer in ten in the land forces thus far killed was an Old Etonian.  At an opposite extreme, 19,648 boys who had been through reformatories had served by late June 1915, almost 600 of whom had died: but three had won the Victoria Cross, twenty-five the Distinguished Conduct Medal and twenty were Mentioned in Dispatches.  Perhaps most remarkably, eight of those former miscreants had been commissioned."

 

No more Rumbles

 

 

This damned virus isn't ALL bad!

That, of course, is one my 'stoopider' headings because anything that kills people at the coronavirus rate is irredeemably bad.  What I am trying to say is that there are some benefits.  For example, there is an increasingly large chance that it will bring the EU crashing down.  At last, the Med countries in general, and Italy in particular, are seeing the true nature of this German racket as they writhe in increasing destitution and the Norther bloc ignores their cries for help.  Yes, of course, Italy and others like Greece, have brought this hardship on themselves because of their corrupt profligacy but at least now, they can see and feel the concrete resistance behind the German mask which used to spout all that 'pro-EU benevolence crap'!

According to 'A E-P' in The Telegraph, now even 'mini'-Macron and 'La Belle France' have had their silly eyes forced open.  Forget all that 'Brotherhood of Europe' crapulata, when times are tough you're on your own!  Things will get worse - and worse - before they get better, so who would bet on the European 'Union' - who sniggered? - lasting in its present state? Thank God - and, er, me, too 'cos I trudged miles delivering Brexit leaflets! - that we left, and we already know that we sink or swim on our own!

 

This blog lives again - and I heard that!

Sorry, sorry, sorry but yesterday my screen image did a double somersault and then disappeared down a black hole!  Cue: weeping, wailing, Lear-like rages and the only good fortune was that my attic windows are paint-stuck so I was unable to hurl the bloody-bloody machine out!  This morning, 'SoD', with magnificent patience - far, far in excess of that possessed by his grumpy, old Dad - managed to talk me through a whole series of 'click this, click that' until all has been set right.  Those of you anticipating a long-awaited break from my monotonous meanderings must hide your disappointment, grit your teeth and just keep on reading!  Anyway, it's Saturday morning and I haven't yet read all my newspapers so I will go downstairs, reload with grumps and groans so 'standby for incoming'! 

 

 

This Blog has been hacked by MILF - the Magnificent International Libertarian Foundation !!!

The Gaffer's having computer trouble.

"Normal" service will be resumed shortly.

SoD

Here's a health unto, er, The Spectator, actually!

The other day I gave three 'hurrahs' to celebrate the Queen's birthday but now I have another celebration to share with y'all.  Today will see the production of the 10,000th edition of the world's greatest magazine - The Spectator.  First published in 1827 and just imagine all those differing "events, dear boy, events" that it has covered over that period!  I have no idea what it was like in those earlier editions but I can say that over the past 30-40 years - I can't remember exactly when I began to read it - it has had an enormous influence on my thinking and my approach to all manner of things.  This is very much due to a string of superb editors - including Boris! - who on the whole took a very sensible, British approach to those 'damned events'!  I can truly say that my life would have been intellectually impoverished without it. Here is an intro from the current editor, Mr. Fraser Nelson:

A piece of history is made today: The Spectator becomes the first magazine in the world to produce a 10,000th issue. To mark this, we have a commemorative edition. Ian McEwan and Salman Rushdie join our columnists and critics to look not just at our now-surreal world, but at the magazine’s almost-as-surreal life and times. John R. MacArthur examines Graham Greene’s five-year stint as our film critic, and we also publish some of the covers we prepared for events that never happened (Corbyn’s 2019 election victory, Hillary Clinton’s presidential win and Jeremy Hunt’s Tory leadership triumph).

And if you’re hoping for Boris Johnson to come bounding back to No.10 to lead Britain out of lockdown, James Forsyth has some bad news: word from Chequers is that our former editor is in a cautious mood and will change nothing fast. So there’s more than ever for you to read, as we all wait.

A new history of The Spectator is published by David Butterfield (on sale today) and its first chapter underlines a point I’ve been thinking about a lot over these past few weeks. R.S. Rintoul, who set up The Spectator in 1828 [my emphasis], feared there would never be a proper commercial market for a magazine that rejected partisanship, and that cared as much about art, books and ideas as economics and foreign affairs. But it worked. Why? Because of its writers, of course, but mainly due to our extraordinary readers. You have not just given us this longevity, but made sure that our 10,000th issue will also be the biggest seller in our history. So from all of us, to you: thank you. And I hope you enjoy the issue.

Fraser Nelson, Editor

 

 

 

The Chinese never let a disaster get in the way of a strategic advance

An interesting article in The Telegraph today reports that the Chinese are taking advantage of international consternation over the Covid-pandemic to carry out some strategic moves in the South China Sea area.  This has caused the Australian navy to join forces with the American navy to form a warning bulwark against Chinese moves.  Both Malaysia and Vietnam have offered loud complaints against this Chinese adventurism.

Further north, the Japanese, too, have been moved to complain loudly against Chinese moves on some uninhabited Islands that Japan considers to be under their control.  Needless to say, both these uninhabited Island complexes are believed to have large oil deposits.

Strong nerves and cool heads may be needed!

 

Pity the poor politicians - no, really!

It is never safe to praise politicians over-much.  As the late, great Auberon Waugh repeated, many a time and oft', whenever you stumble upon a politician the only proper response is to shout, "Show us your willie!"  Even so, some-one must fill the high offices of government otherwise chaos ensues.  Today the politicians - everywhere! - are facing a hideous decision, to lift or not to lift the pandemic restrictions.  Economically, nations are bleeding to death but on the other hand the dreaded 'Peeps' may bleed to death if the politicians get it wrong.

In The Telegraph today, two of their very best political writers, Ambrose Evans-Pritchard and Jeremy Warner argue the pros and cons of which decision to take.  'A E-P' is "AGAINST" an early lift of restrictions and chooses Germany as a paradigm:

The Merkel view is that you pick your poison: either endure a hard lockdown until the job is done; or risk on-and-off lockdowns lasting much longer, vastly compounding the economic damage over time. Can governments keep shutting people up again and again with any hope of sustaining social consent? Doubtful.

Jeremy Warner is 'FOR' a quicker ending of lockdown 'rules 'n' regs'.  He is well aware of the dangers in that approach but takes very seriously the long-term damage inflicted on the economy which, if restrictions continue will cripple the country.

What do I think?  All I think is thank God I'm not a politician!

 

 

"Here's a health unto Her Majesty!"

Obviously, I cannot miss the chance on this auspicious day to wish Her Majesty well on her 94th birthday because I know - don't ask me how! - that my Knighthood is even now awaiting the Royal imprimatur - and about time too, I'm sure I hear you mutter!  Anyway, that apart, this nation of ours has been well and truly blessed by her intelligent leadership.  Always dutiful, always shrewd in never overstepping the invisible line separating the Regal from the political and always setting an impeccable example in her own private life.

I'm sure I have told you before that I once had the honour of inspecting the top of her flowered hat!  I was ordered to be part of a guard of honour when she came to inspect my regiment.  The RSM (Regimental Sergeant Major) was attached to us from a Guards Regiment and he knew all about coping with a royal visit.  DO NOT, he instructed us, under any circs, look at her face when she inspects you, keep you chins up and look straight ahead.  So all I saw for a fleeting second was a glimpse of the top of her hat. 

Even so, I'm sure she will remember me and an official letter from 'Buck House' is already in the post!

 

 

 

In which I surrender . . .

This blog is not mine, it is yours!  I realised, reluctantly, some time ago that my commentary was merely the foundation on which 'y'all' could construct a splendid and interesting edifice and with certain rare exceptions - mostly from years back when I attracted the attention of the 'Bolshie Brigade' - you have fulfilled my hopes and expectations.  I should emphasise that it was not the 'Bolshie' message to which I objected, merely the tone in which it was often expressed.  Nor, I must emphasise even more strongly, do I ever wish to ban contrary views to my own.  This blog would be poorer without them which is why, for example, my regular contributor, Bob, a 'born-again' contrarian, is so essential, not just for his views which are always well expressed but for the re-action he provokes.  A perfect example of which occurred yesterday when I was being lazy - again!  It was a response from Malcolm Pollack to Bob and in impeccable English - oh alright then, American! - he encapsulates his considerable knowledge.  I am, of course, sympathetic to his views but that is not the reason I re-publish his comment here.  It is merely to ensure that such a well-written exposition reaches as wide a readership as possible:

 

"Such a fetish for this "democracy"! Look at your response to JK: "Should I believe from your closing statement that you're anti-democratic?" We can almost hear the basso profundo of Darth Vader: "I find your lack of faith ... disturbing."

Lord Vader would quickly have had his gauntlet on the throats of the Framers themselves, for they feared nothing more than this "democracy" you seem to regard as the summum bonum of American civic life. They had read their Polybius (most of them, in the original Greek), and they had learnt the chastening lesson of the classical world: that simple majoritarian democracy -- which Franklin is said to have described as "two wolves and a sheep deciding what to have for dinner" -- is a buttered slide to mob rule, anarchy, and then, inevitably, tyranny.
In the movie business there's something called "retconning", defined as follows:
        revising (an aspect of a fictional work) retrospectively, typically by     introducing a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events.

Here you are, then, retconning the Constitution with this breathtaking comment:
       "It could be argued that the electoral college is democratic by virtue of its being part of the Constitution, but that's diminishing the meaning of the word to a specific mechanism."

If this could be argued, I'd like to know how. The word "democracy", for the excellent reasons mentioned above, appears nowhere in the Constitution, and the Electoral College was devised specifically as a way to temper and dilute democracy while avoiding the separation-of-powers difficulties raised by the idea of having Congress select the President.

As for Donald Trump as an "aberration": he is the duly elected president of the United States, elevated to office by that half of the traditional American nation who rightly have felt despised and marginalized for a long time now by their globalist and "progressive" overlords, a scornful and condescending secular priesthood who occupy, by opprobrium, intimidation, and whatever means are necessary, the commanding heights of media, academia, popular culture, and the hulking edifice of the unelected administrative state. Donald Trump was rightly seen by these millions of American "Deplorables" as their last hope against a leftist juggernaut that sought to trample into dust all of the founding norms and traditions of the American nation, to throw open the borders, to distend and distort the Constitution into gelatinous goo, and to crush all resistance by a combination of judicial activism, executive fiat and suffocating social ostracism. Trump's legions of supporters understood that the First and Second Amendments, those great bulwarks of liberty, were under increasingly withering assault; they had to look no further than Canada, Britain, and Europe, where the people are forcibly disarmed and criticism of government policy is now enough to land you in jail, to see what lay ahead if the eight-year catastrophe of the Obama administration were to be extended by re-installing those despicable grifters the Clintons.

"Democratic norms", you say? For daring to take on this mighty Cathedral, and -- shockingly! -- capturing the White House, the upstart Trump has been the subject of a continuous conspiracy of what can fairly be called regicide, beginning with the former administration's bringing to bear the power of the FBI, the intelligence agencies, and the FISA courts (on a fraudulent basis) to spy on his campaign and to entrap members of his team. Following on that was the years-long charade of the Mueller investigation, followed by a ridiculous (and obviously doomed) attempt at impeachment, while the media throughout did everything they could to whip up a hateful frenzy. Even now, in a national crisis that would in any other era have made America put aside its squabbles and unite against a common foe, it is clear from the press briefings, media coverage, and the remark of his opponents in Congress that the real enemy is not the Wuhan Red Death, but that orange man in the White House.

It is to Trump's credit that he has not cracked or crumbled under this relentless personal assault, and this cataract of false charges spanning years; I'm sure nearly anyone else would have. But to suggest that it is Donald Trump who is "Orwellian", and not the former administration and its fawning Blue media who set all of this in motion -- now that is the sort of thing that we might expect from the Ministry of Truth."

Thanks, Malcolm, you are hereby awarded the 'Freedom of D&N'!

 

 

Your 'to do' list, Boris!

Now do get a move on, Boris, yes, yes, I know you've had a touch of the flu' and all that but at least it has given you time to do a bit of thinking.  So there needs to be no hesitation when you return, just 'crack on'!  Starting with the cancellation of that ridiculous deal with China to organise our new G5 network.  It should never have been agreed in the first place but perhaps you were a tad busy and allowed the bureaucrats in receipt of 'yuuuuuge' Chinese back-handers to talk you into it.  End it, Boris, and end it NOW!

Then you can refuse to accept any Chinese 'dosh' to pay for your other favourite toys like that ridiculous train service which would allow us to reach Manchester 10 minutes earlier - assuming, of course, that anyone would wish to visit Manchester apart from dimwit 'footie' fans!  Hello, Boris, are you hearing this?  China is an enemy!

Next on your 'to do' list is to follow the excellent example of the, er, 'Leader of the Free World' and cancel all British contributions to the WHO which is riddled with Chinese manipulators.  Then take a long, hard look at those sectors of British commerce and industry which appear to be hanging from the Chinese teat!

We all know that you are not as daft as you look so just get on with it and prove it!

 

 

 

"Fargo" - the Coen Brothers

Yesterday, by a stroke of luck, I spotted that the Coen brothers' film Fargo was showing.  In a flash, I stabbed various buttons on my 'recording-do-flicker-thingie' - sorry to confuse you with this 'tech-speak' language - and, heavens to Betsy! - it worked.  So tonight I settled down to watch it.  It was just as good as the other six times I have watched it!

I really do admire the Coen Brothers and their films of which Fargo is one of the best.  It is, of course, grossly violent but is laced throughout with dark humour.  The characters invented for the story are impeccably observed and equally well-acted by a superb collection of actors led by Frances McDormand who deservedly won an Acadamy Award.

I'm sure y'all have seen it but if you get a chance - see it again!

 

 

Eccentric sports

Of course, most sports are eccentric when you pause to consider them but this morning I came across a real 'head-shaker'!  I'm not sure what is the correct name for it but, basically, it is a contest between men doing things to 'yuuuuuuge' lumps of timber.  Yeeeeeees, quite!  Well, we all know about 'tossing the caber', a sport only the mad Jocks could dream up but the ones I saw this morning had men competing to chop down trees - oh no, not real trees or the militant 'Greenies' would be after them!  No, these were like telegraph poles mounted vertically - only bigger, the size of tree trunks!  The contest was to find out who could chop through it fastest.  Personally, I would have had difficulty picking up the axe let alone swinging it at a fair rate of knots!  The next contest was to saw through a 'trunk' with one of those long, two-handled saws which bend alarmingly.  Anyway, after a few minutes I was exhausted and went back to bed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FshU58nI0Ts

 

 

The enigma that is Donald Trump

Alas, it is going to be at least 25 years before a shrewd and balanced analytical history of Donald Trump's Presidency is produced.  The ones that appear almost within 10 seconds of his departure from office will not be worth reading because most of them will be stuffed full of malice!  He truly is an exceptional man, and I do not apply that word as meaning that he is near to genius.  He is, like most world leaders, a man full of virtues and faults.  In fact, I would suggest that in that respect he is almost Churchillian - now, there was a man of incredible genius - and unbelievable stupidity!

Churchill's main genius lay in his ability to discern, well ahead of the game, who were his country's enemies and who were the friends.  He saw Hitler coming years before anyone else and he also understood Stalin and the Soviet Union and did his best to warn Roosevelt.  Trump's warning concerning China and its malevolence was in the same vein. Yes, 'many a time and oft' he opens his mouth without consulting his brain but in the truly 'yuuuuuuuuuge' things he is spot on. 

China is a menacing enemy - end of!

 

 

Those 'Yerdie-durbles' really are as thick as that puppet chef on TV!

I was intrigued when Sweden ignored the rest of the world and invested the totality of its defences against Covid-D into the hands of their favoured medical guru!  In effect, he did 'a Cpl. Jones' and went around shouting "Don't panic! Don't panic!"  The smug Swedes followed his advice and smirked at the rest of us as we struggled with lock-downs.

Alas for them, the smirks have been wiped off as, according to The Telegraph, infections and deaths multiply:

Finland now counts 72 dead, Norway 150 and Denmark (the by far most densely populated Nordic country) 321. Sweden? 1333. (My emphasis)

What's the Swedish for 'Suckers'?

 

 

 

Flight Lieutenant Bob Barckley, born November 18 1920, died March 28 2020

Sorry if some of you were refused entry to his obit in the Telegraph so here it is - he deserves no less:

Flight Lieutenant Bob Barckley, who has died aged 99, was shot down over France but managed to evade capture and escape to Spain. On his return he rejoined his squadron and destroyed 12 V-1 flying bombs, making him one of the leading “aces” against the terror weapon.
On the morning of June 2 1943 Barckley and a colleague took off from West Malling in Kent on an intruder mission in their Typhoons of No 3 Squadron, each loaded with two 500lb bombs. Near the French/Belgian border he attacked a stationary train with his cannons, when the locomotive blew up. He then attacked three trucks as he headed towards Dunkirk where he hoped to find a “worthwhile target” for his bombs.
Approaching Bergues, he saw a long goods train and decided to attack. As he started his dive, he encountered intense anti-aircraft fire from a flak wagon on the train. He dropped his bombs, but as he pulled away his aircraft was hit, part of the starboard wing was shot away and the control column ceased to function.

He managed to flatten out as he bounced off some trees, missed some cottages and slammed into the ground at high speed; he was rendered unconscious. After recovering, he cleared the aircraft and escaped as German soldiers appeared.
He walked for 20 miles towards St Omer, and in a nearby village sought help at a church. A doctor attended to his wounds, and he was given food and clothing before being taken to a farm. After proving his identity to the local Resistance chief, he was taken to a “safe house” in Paris. Unknown to him, he was now in the hands of the Belgian-run “Comet” escape line.
After he had spent a few weeks in hiding, a young woman took him by train to a town near Biarritz before he cycled to a remote farmhouse near the Spanish border. He joined a party of other evaders and at nightfall the Basque guide “Florentino” led them across the Pyrenees to San Sebastian in Spain, where he was collected by car and taken to the British Embassy in Madrid.

He was moved to Gibraltar, and on August 16 he was flown to RAF Northolt in a Dakota. After debriefing in London he returned to his squadron and four days later resumed operational flying. Robert Edward Barckley was born on November 18 1920 in Brentford, Middlesex. In the summer of 1938 he joined a territorial battalion of the Royal Fusiliers and served as a despatch rider with the British Expeditionary Force. He was evacuated from Dunkirk on June 2 1940.
In December of that year he volunteered to transfer to the RAF and train as a pilot. After gaining his “wings” he joined No 3 Squadron operating as both night- and day-fighters with their all-black Hurricane IIs. Their main task was dawn and dusk patrols over the North Sea convoys.
The first time Barckley fired his guns in anger was in August 1942 during Operation Jubilee, the ill-fated combined operation against Dieppe. The squadron’s task was to strafe the German gun positions overlooking the beach.
The following day he attacked German fast patrol boats (E-boats) harassing Allied shipping. Later he again attacked the guns, and his fourth and final sortie was to cover the withdrawal. He would subsequently describe the Dieppe raid as “a shambles”.
After a few weeks flying night intruder missions, the squadron was withdrawn from the front line to re-equip with the Typhoon. On May 18 1943 the squadron lost five pilots, including the CO, during an attack against the Luftwaffe airfield at Poix.
Barckley did not fly on that mission but later he recalled: “The atmosphere was very sombre and contemplative. I had lost my closest friend on the squadron. But I remember also the 50-60 comrades lost before Poix and the two years that followed.” Two weeks later, Barckley was shot down near Dunkirk.
When he returned from Spain he found that his squadron had moved to Manston in Kent. On arrival he telephoned the CO, who refused to believe that it was him making the call. “No,” he responded, “it cannot be Bob Barckley, he was shot down, he is dead.”
Barckley managed to convince him that he was alive and waiting in the officer’s mess. There were celebrations to mark the squadron’s only pilot to be shot down and make it back to England.
Barckley was soon back flying sweeps over France until March 1944, when the squadron became the first to re-equip with the faster Tempest fighter-bomber. On May 8 he was flying an intruder mission over France when he spotted a bright light in the sky. He followed it and shot it down. He wrote in his log book: “chased airborne light from Evreux to Le Havre. Fired three bursts, went down in sea. Jet ship?” He later added: “Rather precognitive of me!”

The squadron moved to Newchurch on Romney Marsh in preparation for D-Day. After flying beachhead patrols, he later wrote: “The landing was an amazing sight – a tremendous armada. The fact I had been with the Resistance made me feel it very deeply.”
Shortly after D-Day the Germans began their V-1 offensive against England. With their powerful Tempests, No 3 Squadron and two others provided the main fighter defence. Over the next three months No 3 shot down 305 of them, the most by any squadron.
Barckley opened his account on June 18, and a day later shot down two more over Kent. By the middle of July he had destroyed nine.
On July 14 he had used up all his ammunition shooting one down when he saw a second. He was able to accelerate and catch the V-1 when he placed his wing tip under the stubby wing of the flying bomb and immediately flipped his control column and banked. The weapon tipped over and crashed into a wood near Sevenoaks.
By the end of August Barckley had destroyed 12 V-Is and shared another. He was twice Mentioned in Despatches, and in November 1944 was awarded the DFC for “his high degree of courage.”
In September he left for Normandy to join No 122 Wing, which moved eastwards as the Allied armies advanced. In January, flying from Volkel in the Netherlands, Barckley was wounded attacking a German airfield and returned to England to recover. When he was fit he was seconded to the Fleet Air Arm for test pilot and fighter instructor duties in Northern Ireland, before being released from the RAF. He was awarded the Territorial Efficiency Medal.

After the war Barckley worked in Northern Ireland and later became managing director of Coca-Cola Bottling. He retired to North Wales, where he enjoyed walking in the hills.
He was a long-standing and devoted member of the Aircrew Association, the RAF Escaping Society and its successor, the Escape Lines Memorial Society. He was a regular at annual conventions and he never forgot his gallant “helpers” of the Comet Line. He attended their reunions in Brussels and in 2014 made his last visit to meet the survivors.
Bob Barckley married Violet Craig in 1944. The marriage was dissolved. His second wife Eva predeceased him. A daughter from his first marriage survives him. A second daughter predeceased him.

Flight Lieutenant Bob Barckley, born November 18 1920, died March 28 2020

In which I indulge in some unrestrained hero worship

I suppose that growing up through and after WWII has developed an innate tendency in me to hero worship.  Of course, at that time there were a host of heroes to choose from our fighting services.  Today, I offer you Flight Lieutenant Bob Barckley, RAF, who has just died at the well-deserved age of 99.  I say "well deserved", which it was, but perhaps, given the risks he ran, 'incredible' might be more accurate!

 

Please read his 'obit' via my link.  Of course, he and his ilk were entirely responsible for me filling my school exercise books with drawings of Spitfires and Hurricanes instead of what I had been taught so, really, it was his sort who were responsible for my appalling scholastic record!!

 

 

 

The way it is

Is our government doing a reasonable job, given the 'circs'?  I do not know!  I haven't a clue!  My guess is that they are 'stumble-bumming' along to the best of their very average ability.  That's OK with me because, first of all, I do not have a complete grasp of the myriad problems they face and second of all, I do not think they are 'supermen' - ooops, or 'superwomen'!  They are, I guess, much the same as the Cabinets who ruled over us during the last two World Wars - now, they were truly dangerous and problematic times.  In both cases, the politicians involved 'stumble-bummed' along to the best of their ability and in the end - we won!

Of course, it is true that the 'enemy' at the time were other politicians even more dim, dumb and daft than ours, so that provided us with a significant advantage.  Today, the 'enemy' is a 'bug-a-boo' so tiny that several thousands could occupy the head of a pin.  There are multiple 'zillions' of them and they behave to no fixed agenda.  Thus, we are utterly dependent on the 'swots' who have risen to eminence in various fields.  They, of course, underneath their 'yuuuuuuuge' brain-boxes are just men and women like us.  So, just like us, they will push their theories and forecasts and sometimes they will be right and sometimes wrong.

Trying their best to choose between these conflicting theories will be our afore-mentioned politicians.  They will have to take the decisions - yeeeeeeeees quite!  Even so, they are both democratic and patriotic politicians.  Thus, they will, just like in dangerous times of old, 'stumble-bum' along trying their best to do their best for all of us!  At least we are not ruled over by some megalomaniac dictator who actually detests us and secretly hopes that 'zillions' of us will die and save him the problem.

So, my friends (and enemies) just do what I used to do 'back in the day' when I would be sent on a hideously long route march carrying a ton of kit, just grit you teeth and, metaphorically speaking, keep putting one foot in front of the other!

 

 

Your Easter Rumble: 2020

That God-bloke's 'avin' a larf!   Well, really, we've had three months of non-stop drizzle, rain, drizzle, rain until we (alright then, me!) nearly went mad and then the most gloriously warm and sunny Easter arrives just as that bloody virus goes mad and keeps us all locked up indoors!

Meanwhile, 'over there' the Dems have gone mad!   It is difficult for an Englishman to discuss President Trump.  To us, he appears to be from Mars!  Not, mind you, that he appears to have done anything 'yuuuuuugely' wrong, indeed, just the opposite, no wars have been declared and, prior to this 'virus-thingie', the American economy seemed to be doing rather well.  Also, we Brits need to remind our insular selves that Trump's eccentricities are considered not in the least eccentric 'over there'.  In fact, just the opposite, they are much admired by zillions of his "fellow Americans" which means that the Democrats have an exceedingly tough job in trying to remove him from office next Autumn.  What do they do?  They pick a very decent, old 'codger' to whom you would offer your seat in a crowded train.  A 'good ol' boy' who shuffles along but has difficulty remembering what happened an hour ago - oh boy, do I know that feeling!  He has zero appeal to the zillions of young 'Lefties' to whom he should appeal if he is to stand any chance.  All he can rely on is Trump putting his (in)famous words into practice and 'grabbing some lady by the pussy'.  I think - I hope! - he knows not to do that!

The 'Hefferlump' on Hitler's biography:   Of course, I am referring to Simon Heffer who has a review of "Hitler Vol II: Downfall 1939-45" by Volker Ullrich about which I wrote with some enthusiasm a week or two back.  It is, of course, a total irony that I have paused in my reading of Herr Ullrich's book in order to read the 'Hefferlump's' superb history of the opening of WWI.  Even so, Herr Ullrich should not despair because despite my nausea in reading anything about that dolt and madman, I will return to it eventually. 

Pity the poor politician - oh go on, try!   One of them, either Boris or Raab, will have to take the decision as to when the 'lockdown' is to be lifted. The economic shambles that will follow this gross interruption to normal life will be 'yuuuuuuge' and the government will be blamed.  Equally, if the lifted lockdown results in a second outbreak of 'lurgi' then - guess what! - the government will be blamed!  Do I feel sorry for them?  Not in the slightest - they fought tooth and nail for the job so let them take the consequences!

For my e-pal, 'Whiters', a tale from Tom Stoppard:   'Whiters', as I am sure my regular readers will know, is a keen fanatical angler so I thought Stoppard's essay in The Spectator might amuse him:

The trout season opened on 1 April. I was given my first fly rod 70 years ago. Since moving to Dorset, my fishing has been on a chalk stream so small and so tricky that the only way to fish it is to walk up the middle in chest-waders with a seven-foot rod. The last time I was on the water I slipped and went under, since when I haven’t been sure whether I’m still fishing. Lockdown shelves the question for the time being. I wait for further instructions from the government.

 

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Your Easter Sunday Rumble

 

Americans really are nuts!   Or, to translate that into English English, 'Americans really are eccentric'!  This morning, idly flicking through the TV stations to avoid any mention of the dreaded 'c'-word, I came across a programme devoted to American cowboys indulging in bare-back riding on bulls!  And, I should add, these bulls had enormous, terrifying and exceedingly sharp horns!  The 'rides' only lasted on average approximately 5-secs but it surely must have been the longest and most uncomfortable 'ride' for any of the nutters brave young men who undertook it.  Apart from the dangers of a maddened, 20-ton bull leaping around like a Dervish, consider for a moment that there are no saddles!  Yeeeeees, quite!  As I said, they're all nuts - or perhaps, thinking about it, they lack any 'nuts' at all!

Sorry, JK, I can only give you "E for Effort":  I read somewhere this morning, although I'm blessed if I can remember where, that Arkansas only finished 4th in the gun ownership tables amongst the States of America!  Whatever, you do, JK, don't move to another State because your absence, along with your armoury, would drop Arkansas to 18th!

The 'chequered flag' falls on Sir Stirling Moss:  Truly one of the greats of motor racing. Alas, I never saw him race but his reputation will live on and on  . . .

 

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Your Easter Monday Rumble

 

What happens next?   I am tempted to reply "Who knows and his brother 'Fuck'!" but that, of course, would be crude and rude and unsuitable for a distinguished blog such as this - and I heard that!  Even so, attempting to work out how the world will be after this cataclysm is exceedingly tricky.  Obviously, there are going to be 'yuuuuuuuge' financial ramifications both on a national and personal level and the largest of them will be debt.  Happily, we can rely, to a certain extent, on 'greedy' capitalism re-asserting itself to the benefit of most of us in the long-term.  However, national and international debt, as always, will act as a dampener and when you throw in the priority of perceived national political interest as a priority over all else, then the difficulties of reaching recovery increase enormously.  What will be required from the international political leadership is wisdom and patience - 'yeeeeeeeeeeeeees', quite!

 

Non, Monsieur, do not pull that handle!    Amidst the 'doom 'n' gloom' this will provide a chuckle.  According to The Telegraph, a 64-year old, French pensioner was given a surprise flight in a French fighter plane.  It was arranged, secretly, by his, er, 'bon amis' and he felt impelled to accept it.  The Air Force pilot put the aircraft through some tight manouvres and the old man in the back reached for something to hang on to.  Alas, it was the trigger for the ejector seat which promptly blasted him out of the aircraft.  Quelle surprise!

 

Spare a thought for the 'luvvies':  Oh, go on, try!  I refer, of course, to all those actors and actresses who are now out of work and with absolutely minimal chances of employment in the near future.  Mind you, it's all happened before.  Poor old Will was forced to forsake London and retreat to Stratford during the plague.  Mind you, it gave him some respite and time to dream up some more inventions - so not all bad, then!

 

More Rumbles over the Easter period . . .

 

 

The A-bomb attacks on Japan: There was no choice!

There are still people who maintain that the American A-bomb attacks on Japan were a war crime.  I suspect that this book, if any of the dimwits ever read it, will change what passes for their minds!  The book is "Crucible of Hell: Okinawa, the Last Great Battle of the Second World War" written by Saul David which is reviewed in this week's 'Speccie'.  Apparently, Mr. David spells out in excruciating detail the sheer horror of the fight for control of Okinawa which the Japanese, soldiers and civilians, defended with implacable ferocity and fanaticism.  To be honest, I doubt I have the guts to read it:

The loss of life was horrendous. One US commander calculated that, once replacements had been taken into account, the casualty rate in his unit had been 185 per cent. [My emphasis]  A near unreadable passage describes an effort to recover the corpses of US Marines killed in the assault of Sugar Loaf Hill. One soldier recalls finding ‘bodies so decomposed they had started to turn green and were falling apart’. Another man ‘threw up after he tried to pull the body of a Marine and its arm came off at the shoulder. Eventually they put a head, torso, two arms, two legs in each poncho and left it to the Graves Registration to sort out the pieces later.’

At the same time, the US fleet around Okinawa was under constant and deadly attack by kamikaze pilots.  In one day they sank or badly damaged 26 US Navy ships.

President Roosevelt died before the battle was over but it is no wonder that his successor, President Truman, baulked at the idea of a land invasion of Japan.  Instead, he chose the 'nuclear option' - and quite right, too!

 

 

 

Well, it's not all bad news!

Yes, yes, I know that there are innumerable tragedies worldwide which, in my hopeless, useless way I really do regret but, even so, there is the odd bright spot which lightens the gloom.  For example, sports, arguably one of the greatest bores of the modern world, have been brought to a halt and I, for one, am grateful!

Also, 'social distancing' is now de rigour and as an elderly, grumpy 'old git' who positively avoids as much social inter-action as possible, I am delighted although, given my predilection, I barely notice the difference!  Going shopping into semi-deserted supermarkets where they count you all in one by one and then count you all out, is also a great improvement.  Mind you, it's a pity my local pub has closed because I do rather miss my once-a-week hour at The Tippling Philosopher with my amiable neighbour.

When it is all over, I really must mount my campaign for a statue to be erected in Trafalgar Square in honour of the man who invented the 'Kindle', truly the greatest invention in the history of Mankind!  Who was it, by the way?

 

Covid-19 will kill people (BAD) but may well kill the EU (GOOD)

If the Med nations of the European 'Union' (who sniggered?) had any doubts that they are scorned by the northern hegemony that runs the racket in Brussels, then their doubts have been utterly crushed by the re-action to the Covid-19 pandemic.  Italy stands - or maybe 'totters' is the better word! - as a prime example.  Wracked by the disease and desperate, it sought assistance from Germany and the answer they received was 'NEIN'!  Thus it was also for Spain, Greece and the other Med countries.

Eventually there will be a reckoning. Who will wish to remain a member of a club when it is blindingly obvious that the rich and the powerful members do not give a flying fig for the poor and the destitute?  I have repeated and repeated to anyone who will listen that the EU is a German racket.  Will the Meds finally wake up and acknowledge reality.  'We shall see what we shall see'!

 

 

Good news from Baltimore

I like to think of Baltimore as 'my city'!  No, no, not because I have any links to the place, heaven forfend, no, it's just that ever since I first started watching "Homicide: Life on the Street" and the numerous follow-on TV police series, I have always had a sot spot for the dump, oops, sorry, I mean city!  Alas, as far as I can tell, as the years have gone on, the 'dump' has slid further and further into decrepitude.  Mostly, of course, this is due entirely to the never-ending Democrat 'mafia' that has run the place for decades.  Like Chicago, it says much about the low intelligence of the mainly black citizens who year after year continue to vote these political crooks into office.

However, today there is good news in the fact that a previous mayoress of the city has just been 'banged up' for 3-years for fraud and corruption.  She is Ms. Catherine Pugh and I am happy to report, courtesy of Zero Hedge, that further "state perjury charges" are pending.  

 

 

Starting a war is so easy but finishing it is rather more tricky

I am somewhat - no, totally! - engrossed in "Staring at God" by Simon Heffer.  It is rather like watching a recoding of a major, multiple car crash on a motorway.  You can see the first errors which, of course, multiply into even more errors and then the devil is out of the bottle and total, mad mayhem ensues!  It is difficult with historical "events, dear boy, events" to point the finger at exactly the event that kicked it off but I suppose in the case of WWI it is reasonable to accuse the Serbian nutter who decided to assassinate a particularly useless Austro-Hungarian Prince.

Cue: a chance for Austro-Hungary to give those damned 'uppity' Serbs a slap!  The threat of that, of course, provided the 'Rooskies', whose useless leader was wobbling on his throne, a chance to stand up for those, er, 'plucky little Serbs' - and, of course, fellow Slavs.  At which point, the Austrians can appeal to their German 'Big Brother' for support.  The French, au naturellement,  instantly offered their services to their Russian partners with whom they had a treaty designed, of course, to keep Germany in check!  Meanwhile, the Brits steered well clear on their island fortress because, dammit, they had an Empire to look after!

But then, like the well-oiled parts of a machine-gun, the move of one part automatically moved another which then click-started yet another and, hey-ho, we were all off to the races!  Of course, for the people concerned at the time, only a tiny few had any inkling of what was to ensue but soon enough they learned - the hardest of hard ways.

"The pity of it lago; oh, Iago, the pity of it".

 

 

 

"Australia’s Dreyfus case"

It is, of course, totally daft to step into anyone else's dispute but especially so, an Aussie one!  Even so, Australia has much to mull over in the Cardinal Pell case which has finally ended with his complete exoneration from charges of a sexual act with a choir boy.  I cannot pretend to any detailed, or even much general, knowledge of the case.  Today I am depending on the report by Damian Thompson, a practicing Roman Catholic, in The Spectator.

He describes the RC background in Victoria, thus:

There has always been a strong strain of anti-Catholicism in Victoria, which was traditionally tribally divided between the descendants of Protestant Britons and Catholic Irish. In recent years, many Catholics have, understandably, turned against the Australian Church, which has often responded by parroting the politically fashionable views aired by the ABC network.

Deep waters, methinks!

 

 

A 'warmish' welcome back to the 'newish' Labour party

I confess to being slightly Right of Genghis Khan who, whilst an excellent leader in many respects, was a tad soft on law and order!  Even so, I welcome Sir Keir Starmer and his 'newish' Labour party back into the real world.  Their time spent in 'Jezza-land' was duly rewarded by the dreaded 'Peeps' at the last election who reduced them to being a 'rump' opposition.  Hopefully the lesson has been learned although I suspect the 'eye-ball swivellers' will continue in their 'make believe land'.

Happily, the slaughter that Labour suffered has reduced the Parliamentary party to a manageable size and thus provided Starmer with the chance to mould a sensible opposition.  Judging by his new shadow cabinet he has taken full advantage without undue cruelty.  Ms. Rebecca Long-Bailey, the ultra-left dingbat, is appointed Minister of Education(!) which, apart from tossing the 'Lefties' a small prize also indicates Mr. Starmer's keen sense of irony!

Anyway, our peculiar system absolutely needs an opposition party for it to work properly, it keeps the Government on its toes.  So, good luck, Sir Keir, and at least you do not have to worry that you might do worse than 'Jezza' - nobody could!

 

 

Your Monday Funnies: 6.4.20

A particularly good, Australian vintage today!

* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

* I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

* Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

* Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

* I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

* So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

* Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

* Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

* I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

* I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

* Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

• Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under
• ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A letter from a friend:

You need to be careful, people are going crazy about being in lockdown. I've actually just been talking about this with the microwave and the toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed things are getting worse.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on things and certainly not to the fridge as she is acting cold and distant. I did discuss it with the hoover and he said the whole thing sucks.

Meanwhile the blender has mixed feelings and the taps kept running hot and cold about the idea. The whisk refused to talk about it because she didn't want to whip things into a frenzy and the eggs kept quiet because they didn't want to get a beating.

I didn't check the oven because she's far too hot headed. The bin just spouted a whole load of rubbish about the situation and the freezer gave me a frosty reception.

In the end the iron calmed me down and said everything will be fine because no situation is too pressing.

The tin at the back of the cupboard with no label on thinks it's a total mystery.

The knife made some cutting remarks.

The squash was very cordial about it all - unlike the lemon who was very bitter.

No, I'm not going mad, well, just a little perhaps ………

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this!!!!!)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)

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This last one is for the ladies because, frankly, I didn't get most of them!

One day my housework-challenged Husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'Brisbane Broncos!'
And they say blondes are dumb...
______________________________ __________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
______________________________ ___________
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
______________________________ ______
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
______________________________ ___________
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
______________________________ __________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practising to be men.

______________________________ ___________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

______________________________ ___________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
______________________________ __________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe...

______________________________ ___________
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
______________________________ ___________

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world...
...then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.

That's it, get back in your cells and lock the doors!

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 5.4.20

Bye-bye Jezza (yawn) hello Keir:  If what passes for the Labour Party thinks a posh, 'smoothie-chops' lawyer steeped in the 'woke' sentiments of metropolitan London is going to change the political sentiments of the country, they are dafter than a truly daft thing!  Keir Starmer has all the magnetism of a dummy in an M&S window!  However, before he attempts to win over the country, he needs to win over his own party.  The dribbling Reds who 'luuuuurved' 'Jezza will despise Starmer and the 'ay oop' working class will remain under-whelmed.  Good luck with that one, Keir, me old comrade!

D&N gains distinguished support:   I call in support of my post below, Sir John Jenkins, Senior Fellow at Policy Exchange and former UK Ambassador to Syria, Iraq and Saudi Arabia.  In an excellent article for The Spectator - natch! - he finishes with these wise words:

Don’t trust China. Ever. This doesn’t mean not doing stuff that’s in our mutual interest. But we need to make damn sure it really is. Meanwhile distrust and verify.

Couldn't have put it better myself, er, well, I didn't but the sentiment is the same!

If you are short of things to read:   Then Mr. Douglas Murray, he of The Spectator, of course, offers four articles which stand out in his memory and urges us to read, or re-read, them.  You might as well give them a try, there's bugger all else to do!

The best café in the internet world!   I refer, of course, to Cafe Hayek and its distinguished owner, Don Boudreaux.  Here's an example of the excellent 'dishes' he serves up so regularly:

As best as I can judge, a Pres. Clinton (H. or B.) or Pres. Obama or Pres. Biden or Sanders or Warren or Klobuchar in this moment would likely have done some things better than Trump, but also would likely have done some things worse. The social-engineering itch of modern-day Democrats would have prevented any of them from easing some of the regulations that Trump justifiably eased, and would perhaps have, in addition, moved them to impose restraints and restrictions that Trump never dreamed of and which – although surely these would have been greeted with “Oooohs” and “Ahhhs” from the intellectual and entertainment-world elite – would perhaps have inflicted even graver damage on the economy than that which we are enduring now.

As matters stand, however, Trump is the excuse. It’s lazy. It’s largely mistaken. And, as such, it’s dangerous. But it’s oh-so convenient and cool.

It has been too long, far too long, since I last visited Mr. Boudreaux's excellent site.  That will be corrected!

Do buck up, Boris!   Just heard that Boris has been taken into hospital.  Given his 'crack on' personality that is definitely not good news!  I wish him well - soonest! - we need him.

 

No more rumbles tonight

 

 

China must be treated as a hostile state

And no, I am not charging China for starting this epidemic because I simply do not have sufficient evidence to be absolutely sure.  However, that is mostly due to the Chinese government which has refused to open its doors to international inspection.  So, in the meantime, I needs must depend on indicative evidence that strongly suggests China is, so to speak, up to its armpits in 'bio-chem' activities - and no, again - I do not believe they are desperately searching for a cure for cancer!

What I do suspect is that for years China has been searching for a formula for a truly ferocious 'bio-chem' product that in the event of war will be devastating to its enemies.  They are not alone in this endeavour.  All world powers, and several second, or even third, rate nations are doing the same. Given that the outbreak began in Wuhai where facilities for such activities exist, it is more than reasonable to point an accusing finger at China.

The really important decision, once we have dealt with the immediate threat, is what do we do in response?  It seems to me that it is essential that the leading democratic nations must combine in an economic programme that will exert serious pressure on China over an extended time.  The Chinese government needs to feel the pain for what it has done - or allowed to be done.  After the Salisbury murder executed by Russian agents, Britain slapped down some fierce reprisals which damaged the Russian oligarchy.  They are still feeling the restraints.  Similar, but even fiercer actions should be taken against China and the very first action by HMG should be to cancel the ridiculous 5G computer deal.

Boris and his cohorts need to wake up and realise that to the Chinese government - we are an enemy!

 

 

 

Perhaps John Maynard Keynes should have been promoted to General!

I may have mentioned before that a kindly neighbour passes me his old copies of The Times Saturday Review in exchange for my old copy of The Spectator - and yes, he is definitely getting the better of the deal!  Even so, I am always keen to peruse the book reviews and there was a particularly interesting one in my latest copy.  It deals with the latest book by Victor Davis Hanson entitled: The Second World Wars: How the First Global Conflict was Fought and Won.

According to Mr. Hanson, 'it woz the fact'ries wot won it!'  According to the review:

Victor Davis Hanson is a brutally pragmatic historian who cuts through myth and hype. Stripped of emotion, his war is reduced to simple equation: "Victory … was a morality tale of production besting killing: those who made more stuff beat those who killed more people".  Stated simply, 60 million people died "to confirm that the United States, the Soviet Union and Great Britain were far stronger … than Germany, Japan and Italy … a fact that should have been self evident".

Well, I am sure that Mr. Davis Hanson will be relieved to know that I agree with him entirely!  As I remarked a few days ago when I began reading Hitler's biography, it is extra-ordinary that none of the German 'intelligentsia', military or civilian, raised the economic weakness of Germany versus Great Britain (and its empire), America and Russia.  

What a bunch of 'Dummkopfs'!

And what is the Japanese for a 'Dummkopf'? 

 

 

 

Books to help pass the time during the great lockdown

I was hoping to offer you the titles of some funny books to help you get through your 'sentence' but, alas, the fact is that I haven't read many comical books, my taste being, as y'all do know, more into history, war or Shakespeare. Yes, quite, not exactly a bundle of laughs!  

Mind you, I was reminded this morning of one funny book which has remained seared into my memory despite the fact that I read it when I was about 13 years old!  We used to have a 'library hour' once a week at my school and one time I came across a book titled "Three Men in a Boat" by Jerome K. Jerome.  It destroyed me for the rest of the day because I could not stop laughing!  I really 'lost it' in every class for the rest of the day as I remembered this or that funny incident.  I think I collected three 'Detentions' from various teachers as I tried desperately to control my heaving shoulders!

Alas, as an 'Official Old Geezer' now, my memory is occasional, so recalling any other funny books is not easy.  Even so, as an amateur, an exceedingly amateur, actor I can never forget my fellow 'thesp', the late, great Michael Green and his classic "The Art of Coarse Acting".

Green describes a coarse actor as one who can remember his lines, but not the order in which they come. An amateur. One who performs in Church Halls. Often the scenery will fall down. Sometimes the Church Hall may fall down. Invariably his tights will fall down. He will usually be playing three parts – Messenger, 2nd Clown, an Attendant Lord. His aim is to upstage the rest of the cast. His hope is to be dead by Act II so that he can spend the rest of his time in the bar. His problems? Everyone else connected with the production.

Ah yes, that sums it up brilliantly.

Anyway, give them a try - you need the laughs!

 

 

 

Peter Hitchens should move to Sweden

Mr. Hitchens, unsurprisingly, was the lone voice in Britain warning us all that the government and its apparatchiks were getting it all wrong with their draconian, 'Big Brother' approach to dealing with this pandemic.  Happily, we have a real-life experiment taking place in 'Yerdie-Durble-Land' (a.k.a. Sweden) by which we can judge the outcomes of the two 'experiments'!

Today, in The Daily Telegraph, we have an informed view from Mr. Fraser Nelson, the editor of the world's greatest weekly magazine - and y'all know what that is! - and it is worth reading because, his wife being Swedish, - lucky fella'! - he has intimate knowledge of the country.  

There is, still, no lockdown there. Shopping centres remain open, as are most schools and firms. Many work from home, many don’t – all are at liberty to choose. When I called a friend in Stockholm to ask about the Swedish experiment, he was on his way to a book launch. He’s still taking his sons to football matches and is proud that Sweden is keeping calm and carrying on. To him there is no Swedish experiment: it’s the rest of Europe that is experimenting – by locking down economies in response to a virus which may prove to be no more deadly than flu.

Crikey!  Anyone know what the Swedish is for 'hoodathunkit? 

Whoever wins this 'argument' it is worth remembering that in the beginning Boris stuck to his libertarian principles and held out for Swedish-style laissez-faire, until a report from the 'brain boxes' at Imperial College London warned that such an approach would lead to a holocaust.  When considering the pros and cons of this debate it is worth acknowledging the colossal financial Armageddon that will face this country over the coming years - and guess who will have to pay!  On the other hand, there is the (final) price that will be paid by 'zillions' of ordinary people depending on which strategy is adopted.

Pity the poor politicians - oh go on, try!

 

 

Everything is all shook up - or it will be!

Well, you all know my hopeless incompetency when it comes to forecasting so I will not attempt to guess in detail how the world will look when God throws the pieces back on the table after this major shake up.  In some ways it could be very troublesome because we have all become accustomed to a fairly stable world where the 'Great Powers' face off in mutual suspicion but with equal wariness.  Mostly, of course, that has been due to mutual fear of the non-win characteristic of nuclear warfare.  After all, not only does the probability of the total destruction of your own country tend to dampen warrior spirits but the equal probability that your enemy's country will be uninhabitable for several centuries is not exactly an encouragement to 'have a go'!

Even so, such will be the damage inflicted on nation-states following this pandemic that some of the less intelligent world leaders - oh alright then, all of them! - might be tempted to take advantage of perceived weaknesses.  Not for a major operation but perhaps for some tactical manoeuvres that might provide some long-term advantages.  Needless to say, such temptations should be resisted because - 'as every fule do no' - "great oaks from little acorns grow" - and then a bloody big gale comes along and blows it down on top of you!  So I do hope that our Lords and Masters muster as much common-sense as they possess and resist any temptations offered by their former rivals!

Well, a man may hope, may he not?

 

 

Is Boris doing a good job?

I don't know and "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"  Part of my indifference arises from my certain knowledge that whomsoever was in charge of national affairs at this tricky moment would probably not be much better or much worse.  We need to remember that in this 'yuuuuuuuuugely' bureaucratic world national leaders are at the mercy of 'The Sludge', that enormous swamp of 'quill-pen sharpeners' who, collectively, actually decide what happens and what does not!

Of course, it would be handy if we, or Boris, could simply execute, say, one in three 'pen-pushers' pour encourager les autres but, alas, we all know where that would lead!  So, alas and alack, all we can do is put such trust as we have into supporting Boris and the 'Dad's army' collection of 'wannabe' corporals who actually control the country and hope for the best!

Mind you, I wish Boris would drop that faux-Churchillian manner of speech he deploys on every possible occasion.  Sorry, Darling, it's just not that convincing!

 

 

 

In the middle of a disaster, try reading about an even greater one!

I told  you yesterday that I was beginning to read a new book "Staring at God" by Simon Heffer which chronicles the diplomatic, strategic and political manouvres that preceded WWI.  It is, as you can imagine, unbelievably depressing, so much so that I care even less about this virus-thingie that has everyone in a panic!

Step by step by step all the 'great' leaders of Europe followed the lead of the maniacal mini-leaders of Europe as these jumped-up poltroons flounced their hour upon the stage.  Everyone in what might be called the European 'intelligentsia' knew with certainty that each step along the path would lead inevitably to a massive and disastrous war the like of which the world had never experienced before.

And yet ... and yet ... they did nothing!  The so-called 'Great Powers' were led by their silly noses over a cliff by ultra-stupid, short-sighted men who were not fit to run a town council!  At least in WWII we had a genuine lunatic we can blame for the near apocalypse but prior to WWI the blame can be shared everywhere and by everyone.

Where was God when we needed Him?