England expects ...

There seems to be a shortage of St George's flags in the shops at the moment, so being a resourceful sort of chap I bought a French one instead and painted a red cross on it ...

"55 years of hurt" was expunged when we sank the Bismarck a couple of weeks back, but what about the Romans, Froggies and Argies?

Working backwards then ...

Do we count the Argies from the 1982 Falklands War or 1986 "Hand of God" incident do you think?  Well, we won the Falklands War so there's no hurt there, so 1986 it must be: 35 years.

Now the Froggies: Godwinson took one in the eye back in 1066, so that's 955 years of hurt.  Ouch.  Notice, btw, how the Froggies sent a bunch of secondhand Vikings to do the job for them, couldn't manage it themselves.  (it's all in the flag).

And finally, the begining: Veni vidi vici.  Queen Boudica got stuffed by the Romans in 61.  1960 years of hurt, how did we bear it?  Note the obvious that Boudica was a Celt, dear old Blighty was still waiting for us to show up to stiffen sinews and upper lips.  It only goes to show us Anglos can't rely on the Celts for anything - leave the keys to the gaff with them and everyone's in like Flynn.

A grand total of 2950 years of hurt.  Sadly, a severe case of upper lip-wobble has just been detected in the region of the borders of Surrey, Berkshire and Hampshire, that venerable ground zero of the civilised world.  Something must be done.

So here's the plan ...

We stuff the Romans (I mean, what have they ever done for us, eh, not even a bloody aqueduct?) this evening.  Then we go to the World Cup next year and stuff the Froggies in the pools, quarters or semi-finals, and then the Argies in the final.

Including the Jerries that'll be 3005 years of hurt expunged by this time next year.

Sound like a plan?

 

 

Son of Duff, descendant of Ap-Lake, Knight of the Round table

Comments

[Whitewall]

If Al Murray had been around back in the distant past when I was in school, and the book "1066 and all That" as well, history would have been easy and fun to learn. But no, I had to learn it the old fashioned way.

[Richard]

Al Murray's pub landlord persona fools an awful lot of people. The guy read history at Oxford for Chrissake!!

[Andra]

But Ashleigh Barty won the tennis. How good is that?

[Loz]

So close.

But set the disappointment aside for a moment and realise what you have witnessed: the complete and utter revival of England's national team game; England now equal in play to the best team of Europe - and 6 years younger than them.

Only the penalty curse defied us.

The only way is up.

SoD

[Glesga]

SOD, the fascist Nazi tallies were getting revenge for their defeat in World War 2. They certainly can play football but can run faster from a battle.