The strange case of Mark Francois' missing vibrator

Well I'm going to chuck it out there straightaway for those in need of 3 hours of that thrilling fusion of laughter and utter despair that is the narrative of every state project.  This is the Commons Committee grilling of the MOD Ajax tank  project's head honchos, and, sweet Mother of God, you couldn't make it up ...

https://committees.parliament.uk/event/5161/formal-meeting-oral-evidence-session/

I have read the entire thing last night, so, a super brief summary: -

This vehicle has a noise and vibration problem like someone shoved a Jack Rabbit in each of your ears and one up your arse for good measure, so bad that it makes its crew arthritic and deaf.  And this problem has only allegedly been discovered in the manufacturing stage of the project now 4 billion quid down the line.

I say allegedly because "anecdotal evidence" is emerging that the MOD head honchos knew about the noise and vibration problems earlier, but decided to "crack-on" to the manufacturing and production stages anyway.

If the evidence is true and MOD head honchos then set about investigating the anecdotal by using soldiers in those vehicles like some kind of lab rats and caused them injury, then the usual stench of criminal negligence, not mere incompetence, hangs around this state battlefield, as it does with so many others.  Their action is like hearing of "anecdotal evidence" of a radio-active leak from a nuclear power station from an enthusiast with a Geiger counter, and then sending a bunch of school kids into the grounds of the power station to see if they get sick!

Captain Mainwaring - aka Mark Francois, MP, a bit of a tanker himself in his past I believe - is apoplectic at the senseless waste of human life and tax payer's cash on this dead dog of an armoured fighting vehicle.  He's particularly incensed that the MOD cannot even seem to find where the effing noise and vibration is coming from in a vehicle they've been dicking about with for a decade or more, so they've hired a bunch of contractors to tell them!

Apparently these grand a day merchants are on the case and should report back by the end of the month (which month you might wonder ...).  My mechanic mate Lee is a diamond at finding those irritating squeaks and rattles you get when you drive an old banger like I do, he reckons he could do it in 10 minutes.  But he won't get in an Ajax if you paid him the contractor's day rate for each minute!

Anyway this dead dog AFV project will likely be cancelled any time now, whereupon it will be all over the news, so I thought I'd share the nitty-gritty slow drumroll before the execution.

SoD

Comments

[Richard]

As someone who has served as airmobile and airborne, I am profoundly grateful that I have never seen the inside of an APC or an IFV in my entire life. The Ajax fiasco hasn't given me any reason at all for a change of heart.

[Glesga]

The long and short wheeled land-rover was a joy to drive. Sitting on the dual petrol tanks gave great confidence.

[Richard]

For anyone who thinks that our American cousins are any better at this sort of thing, I would implore them to watch the film Pentagon Wars. It was made as a farce, but like all good farces, it contains a strong element of truth. The film was based on part of Colonel James G Burton's factual book of the same name.

The complete film is still available on YouTube and it comes highly recommended. Crack a few beers open, put your feet up and enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir0FAa8P2MU

[JK]

I'm thinking Richard is directing his comment to y'all over on the east side o' the Atlantic.

Us cousins already know how screwed up our R&D, procurement and trials testing are.

Still I'd heartily endorse his recommendation - the film ought to be required watching for every would-be and sitting Congress critter!

[AussieD]

This popped up on my screen sent to me by an old RN colleague.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP-X38tWmMg

[Whitewall]

Well I see some of the aforementioned tanks. My hat is off to anyone who can perform tank duty as I am claustrophobic.

[Loz]

I'd be having a serious chat with the Israelis. The Merkava IV is a main battle tank with enough space for a 6 man infantry squad because the engine is in the front. So you get two for the price of one: a Main Battle Tank and an Armoured Infantry Fighting Vehicle ...

https://youtu.be/kRs5ix1be34

That would eradicate the age old Brit problem of co-operation between infantry and cavalry in one fell swoop - the 6 foot sloggers and 3 tankers would all be in the same 9 man squad. Each regiment would be tasked with both roles irrespective of its infantry or cavalry / tank heritage.

For the specific roles of Armoured Personnel Carrier and Armoured Infantry Fighting Vehicle the Israelis have the Namer ...

https://www.google.com/search?q=namer+ifv

It's based on the same chassis as the Merkava, making logistics and maintenance easier. It's the most heavily armoured vehicle in service I believe, making survivability a key feature. Even Richard and Whiters would be OK inside, it's massive taking 12 crew and passengers.

The Israelis would love a big order funding partner, might even be able to get a local manufacture deal with them. So "Off-the-Shelf" with a few minor tweaks, like having a kettle that Blighty has always insisted every tank has since WW2, would allow us to sack all those procurement nobs and put the money saving into some more vehicles.

But my favourite is that both Merkava and Namer have the Trophy with Trenchcoat active defence system integrated and tried and tested ...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trophy_(countermeasure)

I note with interest that Blighty is looking at adding Trophy to the pitiful 148 remnants of our Challenger tank force ...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.janes.com/amp/uk-selects-trophy-for-challenger-3/ZnlJK3dHVU9mZ28xajRJVkc5dVI5VFp1cVMwPQ2

What's not to like from a survivability perspective?

Oy vey, my life *not* so soon!

SoD