DUFF & NONSENSE!

You can almost hear the world straining at its bonds

It isn't just the crazy weather we are experiencing here in the UK which, I suspect, makes southern Spain feel like Iceland.  No, there are tremors reverberating around the globe and they do not augur well.  This wretched pandemic has 'upped the ante', not so much for its medical effects which, from where I am sitting, do not appear to be anything like as severe as the 'meeja' warned us!

No, there are other moves afoot around the world which make me exceedingly uneasy.  By far the biggest is the Chinese behemoth which is swaggering round the globe barging into areas likely to erupt very easily.  For example, now they are threatening India at some point on their mutual frontier, not because they have a strong case but simply to pile on the pressure.  Alas, we are no longer the power we used to be but even so we must support India in this struggle with China just as they supported us in WWII.

Similarly, we must back America to the hilt in their confrontation with China.  Yes, I do not have total confidence in Donald Trump as a President but that is not the point.  If America is threatened then we are threatened - end of!  Alas, there is not much we can do to support Africa whose crooked states are being bought and paid for by the Chinese.  However, there is one thing we can do about another critical problem - the Chinese in our country!  I do not refer to the myriad Chinese restaurants that exist in all parts of the UK and have done for over 50 years.  But I do mean the host of incoming Chinese 'students' who bought and paid for their entrance into innumerable British Universities where sections of them have taken over student unions. And, of course, there are the numerous number of universities - which we pay for! -  who have accepted enormous bribes investments from Chinese sources.  The heads of those universities should lose their heads! 

However, above and beyond all that, the critical point is that we must absolutely ally ourselves to America in facing down this menace

 

 

!

The Sunday Rumble: 3.11.19

Feeling cheerful this Sunday morning, are you?   Well, I'll soon put a stop to that!  Or to be precise, Mr. Peter Hitchens, will!  He has a terrific article in The Mail today in which he looks back over his political travails during the numerous general elections  from the early '70s until today in which he was either a participant or just another voter.  All the old names resurface, Michael Foot, Harold MacMillan, Ted Heath, Jeremy Thorpe and so on and on, ad nauseum, although, oddly, he never mentions "that woman"!  It has obviously been a long and painful journey for poor Peter because he looks back on it, and into the future, with undoubted anguish.  But of course, his real problem is that he is now and has been since his early teen-age years, an idealist which is why he began his political journey with the Labour party.  Alas, idealists of all persuasions are doomed to disappointment because this messy world just doesn't behave like that!  Even so, it is a superb and in some ways moving essay and well worth reading.

 

Do get a grip, Mr. President!   Alas, after reading Mr. John R. Bradley's piece in this week's 'Speccie', I fear that the 'Ginger Ninjah' has adopted an odd anthem to lead his Middle East policy - "In-out, in-out, wave it all about!"  A few days ago we - er, well, me, at any rate - were breathing a sigh of relief following 'The Donald's' decision to withdraw American ground troops from the Middle East.  Since then, the American Generals have ordered their Military Police to give him a whacking with their 'yuuuuuuuge' truncheons and in this they have been aided and abetted by the Evangelical vote which will be crucial at the next election.  Then there are the neo-cons led by the likes of Sen. Lindsey Graham whose support will be critical if this fatuous impeachment goes much further.  The result is that now 'the GIs ain't goin' nowhere no how'.  Please, pretty please, Mr. President do try and engage the brain before opening your mouth - and in the meantime have your twitter finger amputated!

 

Dammit, that Max Hastings is good!   Yes, I have finally begun his book "Chastise", his history of the famous dam-busters raid in 1944.  I was somewhat surprised to learn that it took place on the night of the 16th of May and the early morning of the 17th which, of course, as y'all do know, do you not?, was my 4th birthday!  I am only into it in a small way but already Sir Max has dropped some 500lb bombs on that bumptious fool, Air Marshal 'Bomber' Harris, which is excellent.  Even based on the opening chapters I can thoroughly recommend it.

 

Good News and Dribbling Idiocy:   Thanks to today's Mail I learn two things.  First, the police are to be given the power to arrest (so-called) gypsies if they set up their squalid camps illegally on private or public land.  Second, audiences at theatres will no longer hear the phrase "Ladies and Gentlemen" which has been banned for the usual eye-ball rolling idiocy perpetrated by the 'abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz' pressure group. (Note: I have put all the letters into their title to ensure that I don't leave one out!

 

When it comes to the horror of black slavery, check out Arab-Islam!   A fascinating, 'MUST READ' article at The American Thinker site in which the little known, or at least, the little mentioned, facts of Arabic slavery in Africa, which far exceeds anything we wicked, Western Whites ever did, is exposed.  Nowadays, of course, much of black Africa has converted to Islam so we are unlikely to see any recriminations from there!

 

No more rumbles  . . .

 

 

Why should I feel sorry for 'Seth Efrica' when they just beat us at rugby?

True, of course, but no matter, I have a liking for the place and the people even as I weep over their prospects.  Some time back I determined to study African affairs more closely and I even opened up a new heading, "Africa", in my 'Category' list to cater for my stream of, er, erudite commentary.  Alas, it has barely amounted to a stream, more like a trickle.  Of course, Africa is a truly 'yuuuuuuuuge' continent so I expected to have plenty to say on its affairs but, alas and alack, it is in fact just one tedious 'black' story of never-ending crime and corruption.

Even so, a nation like South Africa which had a well-endowed and relatively sophisticated system of governence and business should have powered ahead.  Instead, it has become yet another Black-run racket roiled in corruption.  As per my post immediately below, their politicians, Black or White, rule for far too long.  Thus are the sins of their political Fathers visited upon their current and future crop of leaders.  South Africa is (sort of) blessed by their mining industry which produces precious metals much desired by the rest of the world.  But to the north of them there is much less in the way of inherent riches and so, one by one, they descend into dictatorship and poverty.

What can one do?  Nothing except weep!

 

 

Dammit, another life lived well and bravely

I began my title above with a mildly exasperated expletive because it is irritating to a massive egotist like me to acknowledge men, and women, who lived truly courageous lives distinguished by their courage and exemplary hard work.  Such a man, I gather from today's Telegraph, was the late Ulric Cross, DSO, DFC, aka, 'The Black Hornet'!

Ulric Cross, on right, meeting Prince Philip in 2009   Credit: Rex

He died some six years ago but according to The Telegraph a mini-budget film has just been released but alas only on limited distribution.  That is a great pity because Cross was an extra-ordinary man.  During the war he flew as an observer in the famous two-seater Mosquito:

Cross joined the RAF’s 139 Jamaica Squadron. Nicknamed “The Black Hornet” by his comrades, Cross was a squadron commander in Bomber Command’s elite Pathfinder Force. As the navigator for a De Havilland Mosquito, he had one of the most challenging jobs in the RAF: to guide the tiny wooden two-seater hundreds of miles through darkness, flying close to the ground over often heavily defended sites, before dropping a flare to mark a target for the bombers.

He flew 80 missions to Germany, refusing to take a rest, while most officers were moved to a less dangerous posting after 30. His unflappable calm made him an invaluable navigator. “You can’t be trained not to be afraid, but trained to conquer fear,” he once said. “It comes from a belief that what you’re doing is right.”

After the war, by dint of sheer hard work, he qualified as a barrister and then spent most of the rest of his life working for various ex-colonies that had been granted their freedom from Britain.  An exceptional man and I salute his memory.

 

 

 

'Liberal Islam' - an oxymoron, surely!

Well, no, actually because there is a liberal Islam in existence although you will need to visit Rwanda to find it!  Of course, as you may recall there was a time not so long ago when Rwanda plumbed the depths of depravity in a civil war which resulted in millions of people being slaughtered by their own people.  Perhaps it takes mass butchery to nudge people towards a liberal, live and let live society.  A high price but at least such an outcome helps heal the wounds.

I am grateful - yet again! - to 'The Speccie' for pointing up this rarity in human affairs and introducing me to a truly extra-ordinary man, Sheikh Salim Hitimana.  He is the Mufti of Rwanda and thus the leader of the country's Islam-worshippers.  Not only is he a wise religious leader but also a shrewd operator.

‘Before the genocide, there were perhaps 200,000 Muslims in the country, and no Rwandans wanted to enter Islam,’ he says. During the genocide, Muslims stood out for refusing to take sides and for risking their lives to shelter those under attack. ‘People started to think: who are those people? Why don’t those people commit genocide like us? People became attracted to join us.’ The country’s Islamic population has grown fivefold, he says, to more than a million.

Also, he has recognised the two great defects that lace through the two contrary practitioners of Islamism:

The Mufti wants to preserve an Islam that adheres to scripture, without the new politicised elements of sartorial — and therefore social — control. ‘I introduced a religious fatwa against the niqab in 2016,’ he says proudly. ‘We saw that niqab abroad, but in Rwanda we have stopped it. Everything you have to practice here must be mentioned in the Quran.’ There’s nothing Islamic, he says, about the niqab — and Rwandan Muslims, he believes, do not have to look radically different from the rest of the population.

Rwandan Islam has followed the Shafi’i school of Islamic thought, which differs greatly from the harsher Hanafi, found in Pakistan, and Hanbali, found in Saudi Arabia. To understand Islam, it’s crucial to understand these distinctions.

He is, I would suggest, a good man and a wise man and perhaps eventually he might be one of those rarities, a recipient of a Nobel Peace Prize who really deserves it!

 

 

'In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king'

And, of course, we all inhabit the land of the blind because we are all at the mercy of the mass media, including so-called 'social' media, which for a variety of reasons picks and chooses what to tell and show us.  I am obliged to Professor Peter G. Riddell of Melbourne School of Theology who reminds us in The American Spectator, that whilst we stagger under the sheer weight of news coverage offered on the disgusting Christchurch attack, none of us are aware that:

On the morning of March 4, Christian communities in three villages in Benue State in northern Nigeria were attacked by Muslim Fulani militants. Some 23 people were killed by gunshot and machete blows as the Fulani attackers moved unchecked through the villages. Three days later, a further attack on other nearby villages resulted in the deaths of another three people. Such attacks are by no means unusual; during the month of January, a further 70 Christian villagers were murdered in other Fulani attacks.

As the 'Prof' points out, it is very much easier for the media to cover a slaughter in New Zealand than it is in Africa.  Even so, I have never heard so much as a squeak of horror and protest from, er, 'peace-loving' Muslims over the decade- long slaughter of Christians in Nigeria by Islamists.

Jes' sayin'!

 

 

Do NOT read this if you are of a nervous disposition!

No, I am not, as 'that woman' once put it, "frit" but I am becoming distinctly uneasy.  All around the globe the political tectonic plates are shifting and no-one has a clue where they will eventually end up and how much damage will be wrought as they crunch and crash against each other.

At home, here in 'dear old Blighty', our less than distinguished Prime Minister fumbles and stumbles her way through the morass of Brexit and her party appears to be in complete disarray.  I fear an election is imminent and, though I can hardly believe it, there is a very real chance that Corbyn and his 'praesidium' of ultra-Marxist maniacs might seize control.  If they do, I may well emigrate to St. Helena!  

Europe continues to be nothing more than "a mess of pottage"!  Quite apart from their arrogant stupidity in trying to humiliate us as we seek a reasonable Brexit, they are laying into the newly elected and highly passionate Italian government which is teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. At the same time they are, unbelievably, trying to bully one of the biggest bullies in Europe, Viktor Orbán, the Prime Minister of Hungary.  The chances of him, a 'wannabe' dictator, bending the knee to Brussels is less than that of an ice cube in hell!  Other East Europeans are already looking East rather than West preferring 'Vlad the Impaler' to EU fanatics like 'Junck the Drunk'.

Meanwhile, 'over there', the tensions mount and when our 'Yankee-doodle' friends lose their tempers, so to speak, you had better take cover!  The 'deserving' Dems, by which I mean that the Dems always believe they deserve everything all of the time, have found it impossible to reconcile their loss of the Presidency in 2016.  Their fires are now being stoked by the woman who really and truly thought she deserved to win because, well, it was her turn.  As the old saying has it, always beware a woman scorned!  Of course, 'The Donald' is not exactly a man to accept his victory quietly and to extend the gentlemanly hand of friendship to the woman who lost.  On the contrary, he struts his stuff across the headlines and the internet of the world, never losing an opportunity to rub it in.  Where will it end?  I do not know but the imminent result of the mid-term election will be critical.  If the Dems lose 'big time', or even if they only achieve a 'no-score' draw, their fires will be stoked even higher and the more extreme elements will indulge in even greater and more dangerous stupidity.

Needless to say, this is the worst of times for America to be obsessed with internal warfare as, what I call 'the Chinese creep' slowly but inexorably extends around the globe backed up by an increasingly powerful military.  There was a time when I had some hopes for Chairman Xi Jinping, the 'Mr. Smiley', or should that be the 'Mr. Smirky', of China.  Alas, no more!  It is obvious that he is just another wannabe ruler of the universe with the sort of insane ambitions that nearly always end in tragedy.  Whatever one might think about 'The Donald' I am totally glad that he is leading the push back against Chinese ambitions and not that utter drip 'Obamarama'!

In the meantime, the South American 'hacienda' is crumbling to dust, including, I am sorry to say, the once mighty Brazil which, you may remember, was the leading initials in the collective noun 'BRICS'.  According to a report I read today, the Brazilian people are having to choose between two utterly useless and extremist politicians of the worst type to be their next 'el Presidente'.  The rest of South America seems to be collapsing into financial disaster.  Across the oceans, Africa is now an A1, prize basket-case from top to bottom and from east to west.  Anything useful in that continent has already been bought up by the Chinese so the impoverished Africans will not even get a smell of it!  Finally, there is India, a country of truly enormous possibilities which, God help it, is now seeking friendship with Russia - yeeeees, well, good luck with that one!  In the meantime, their big - no ENORMOUS - cities are stinking cesspits in which, quite literally, the air you breathe will kill you!

So there you have it, my friends, 'Doomster Duff' strikes again!  My only advice is that if you have been saving up a rare bottle of Scotland's finest tipple for Christmas, fageddaboutit, knock the top off and drink it now!  Er, have a nice day!

 

 

In which I change my mind about shooting wild animals!

You see, it's not all bad, especially when the 'animal' concerned is the likes of Mr. Mark Bristow, CEO of the 'yuuuuuuuuuuuuge' mining conglomerate, Randgold.  Here he is in his, er, prime:

What a big, brave boy he is, armed only with, well, a high powered rifle, actually, and all alone in the bush, er, bar the gang of well-armed guides and trackers around him, taking on an elephant which was probably wandering around minding its own business.  Of course, the elephant was probably worth its weight in gold given the size of those tusks - not that Mr. Bristow is avaricious given that he probably owns several gold mines! 

I am now going to indulge in some wishful thinking but wouldn't it be a wonderful idea for a TV series, perhaps hosted by 'St.' David Attenborough, in which Mr. Bristow would be set loose in an African game park armed only with a Swiss army knife pursued by several of his big, brave fellow killers hunters?  Much more exciting than some of the so-called thriller tripe we see on TV.

If my tale so far has failed to have you throwing up in your toilet bowls then stand by for another fact concerning Mr. Bristow, as reported by the Daily Telegraph, that last year he was appointed to the board of a conservation charity dedicated to the preservation of wild cats . . . oh my God, the stench of humbug is overpowering  . . .

 

 

Nobody exploits blacks like yellows!

As usual, 'The Speccie' comes up with a fascinating sideways look at something we mostly do not know and even if we did we would mostly ignore.  This time, however, enlightenment comes, not from one of their distinguished essayists but from a reader - and no, not me!  It is Mr. Geoff Neden from Shropshire - lucky bugger, it's a beautiful county!  Sorry I can't reprint it because they do not show the letters page on their site, so you will just have to go out and buy a copy!

Mr. Neden takes exception to last week's leading article which complained that "It is unrealistic to expect that we can achieve what China has in Africa over the past decade".  He actually breathes a sigh of relief because he believes that what the Chinese have done in Africa over recent decades amounts to economic rape and pillage!  He specifies some examples, beginning with the (in)famous 'TanZam' railway which was financed not by a grant from China but by a loan - and you can guess who nicked the cream off that!  All the designs, engineers, machinery, materials - and the labour(!) were Chinese.  When the 600+km railway was finished, it was found that the lines had been laid too high and the Botswana government (= the people) had to relay every level crossing at its own expense.  Needless to say, the governments concerned remain in debt to the Chinese government.

Time to change Virgil's old saying to "Beware the Chinese bearing gifts"!

 

'Seth Efrica' will sink

Where Zimbabwe leads, it looks as though South Africa will follow.  The new tyrant-in-charge is, apparently, running scared of an even worse tyrant-in-waiting, a certain Julius Malema, who heads the radical Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) whose party line may be summed up thus: “People of South Africa, where you see a beautiful land, take it, it belongs to you.”  That extreme line is proving to be increasingly popular and the current leader of South Africa, Cyril Ramaphosa,  is re-acting by immediately starting land seizures from whites owners.

Of course, in strictly historical legal and/or moral terms there may be a  justification but today South Africa exists in a new, modern world and it should take a careful look to the north and across the Atlantic to South America to see where that sort of Marxist thuggery can lead.  John Fund spells it out at The National Review. 

 

 

'Shome mishtake, shurely', the wrong animal was shot!

Here, I give you, free, absolutely no charge, the, er, less than delightful Ms. Tess Talley Thompson from Kentucky.  Apparently she likes to kill animals even when they are harmless examples of a fairly rare breed of giraffe.  Then she likes to pose triumphantly before the slaughtered creature, er, once the dead carcass has been arranged tastefully!

Still 'n' all, as our American cousins like to say, every so often something happens that makes even me, a confirmed agnostic, wonder if, possibly, there really is a God.  This story certainly made me think, er, once I had recovered from my giggles!  Three armed rhino poachers sneaked into a game reserve armed with guns and axes to chop of the rhino horns they were after.  Alas and alack, a pride of lions caught them all, killed them and then ate most of them.  What a pity Ms. Thompson wasn't there, she would have made the perfect desert!

 

 

Mrs May hesitates - again - and I don't blame her

First of all, welcome back to D&N now that Typepad have carried out their 50,000 mile service.  So far the 'old banger' seems to be motoring along quite nicely but 'we shall see what we shall see'!

Now, luckily for you, as the tensions rise over the Middle East imbroglio, you are able to take guidance from 'an old Middle East hand', er, that's me, actually!  Well, I did once spend a year living in a tent at the end of Runway #2 at Bahrein airport having been rushed out there by 'Her Maj' because some jumped-up Iraqi colonel had threatened to invade Kuwait but, of course, when he realised that I was, so to speak, 'on the block', then he rapidly changed his mind!

So, today we have more of the 'same-old-same-old' - different actors, of course, and a different plot line and with some added ramifications but it all sounds boringly similar.  The 'Trumpeter' is sounding off in his usually bellicose manner, and his new best friend, mini-Macron, is eager to join in.  Meanwhile Mrs. May hesitates, she is considering, she is weighing pros against cons, she is 'working the angles', or, of course, it could be that she is just 'frit'!  Well, if it is just 'frit' then she is absolutely right!

Ever since Suez in 1956, Britain has stumble-bummed its way into the Middle East with mostly disastrous results.  Not the least of the difficulties is working out who are your enemies and who are your friends.  Usually, it turns out that we do not have any friends at all!  Today, we have an added ingredient in the mix, a hostile nuclear-armed power with international reach run by a half-mad, ex-secret policeman with delusions of grandeur.  I'm not saying that given Putin's involvement with the despicable Assad that he shouldn't be punished but perhaps a better way would be to offer as much arms and ammunition to his opponents on the ground, even if, as is certain, they turn out to be just as bad as Assad.  If Putin is eager to strut his stuff around a war-torn dump like Syria then let him!

 Needless to say, the very best enemy of Assad is right next door - Israel!  Now that the utterly useless 'Obamarama' is fully occupied practicing his golf swing, now is the time for America to pitch in and help their armed forces in every way possible.  The growing signs of a 'hands across the desert' relationship between Israel and Saudi Arabia is very welcome and needs to be encouraged.  So take your time, Mrs. May, and try holding Donald's hand again and giving it a stroke to calm him down before he pushes that 'yuuuuuuuge' red button on his desk!

 

 

Mr. President, you really must stop telling half truths!

I'm no mathematician but I think it sound to suppose that in amongst the torrent of words that issue forth from President Trump's pouty, little mouth, or from his itchy fingers on a keyboard, there will be some truths.  For example, in his depiction of various, but un-named, countries as "shit-holes" he was spot on!  As a rough generalisation I would suggest that the entirety of Africa from north to south and from east to west, is one gigantic "shit-hole" even if some nations might smell a little sweeter than others.  Much the same could be said of most of South America which appear to be a giant conglomeration of 'gangsta' regimes run entirely for the benefit of the interchangeable thugs who "strut their hour upon the stage".  No-one who could not afford their own private army would dream of moving to either place.

Even so, it must be asked whether it is the job of a President, particularly the President of the greatest power in the world, to go around telling the 'truth' in 140 characters?  'Truth' is a mightily complicated and nuanced entity which is why attempts to define it in any particular context usually result in 'yuuuuuuuge' books, so heavy and so complex that hardly anyone reads them. So my advice, Mr. President, is that you should stop attempting to tell the truth, after all, it is the business of politicians to lie and it is what we, 'The Peeps', expect, not least because the truth almost always hurts and it is not something up with which us 'Peeps' can cope!  Of course, like everyone else, er, outside of Africa and South America, you are free to express your opinion but, you see, that is the difference between being a President and just being an ordinary 'Peep'!  You have the power - in your case enormous, even 'yuuuuuuge', power - to follow up your opinions with actions and that makes the rest of us somewhat nervous.

You must try relaxing with some golf, Mr. President, I have it on good authority that there are some excellent courses in bonny Scotland but, whatever else you do, don't try telling the Jocks any home truths, they can be a tad sensitive!

 

The Sunday Rumble: 3.12.17

Poor Zimbabwe:  The 'gangstas' remain in control - why am I not surprised?  Or at least, they might think they are in control as they bank their ill-gotten gains off shore but I suspect that in truth it is the Chinese who are pulling their strings.  An interesting, if depressing, article at The American Spectator points an accusing finger at Jimmy Carter, oh yes, it woz 'im wot dunnit - hoonoo?!

 

Good old Matt:   Of course, 'as any fule do no', Matt is the resident cartoonist at The Telegraph.  I must say that I rather disapprove of the habit in several newspapers of employing cartoonists who produce huge, multi-coloured and exaggerated pictures which are over-drawn and deeply unfunny.  Happily, Matt always keeps it simple and his humour is deadly accurate.  Wisely, the DT will not allow me to copy his cartoons but you can see the latest here:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/11/30/matt-cartoons-december-2017/

 

No, darling, you can't take your lipstick on operations:   The news just gets 'worserer and worserer'!  According to The Mail, there are moves afoot to allow ladies to volunteer for the SAS.  Needless to say, the endurance tests for them will be much lower than for men.  That should work well when an operational team is on foot in the middle of a desert or a jungle with an enormous distance to cover!

 

OK, enough of Meghan Markle, my life already!   Nothing against the gal, you understand, because she's rather attractive and dresses very well but do I really need her covering several pages of my newspapers every day?  No, I do not!

 

I am still suffering in the Norway fiasco:   I refer, of course, to Churchill's 'mad, bad and dangerous' idiocy in the Norwegian operation in 1940, as described by Nicholas Shakespeare in his excellent book "Six Minutes In May".  Despite this utter shambles the end result was that Churchill was promoted to Prime Minister.  He should have been 'banged up'!  One of the key features of this campaign was that all of the naval and army commanders were united in their chorus of pleas for aircraft cover of which there was none.  To be fair, until this point virtually all commanders totally underestimated the critical importance of air cover so they (and their men!) learned the hard way.  Churchill learned nothing because the next year he sent HMS Prince of Wales and Repulse to Malayan waters with no air cover and they were both sunk!

 

Stand up guy, that Dan Hodges:   Given that he is at heart a Labour supporter, despite having surrendered his membership when the Corbyn apparat took over, Mr. Hodges comes to the defence of Damian Green, the Tory deputy leader, who has fallen foul of the lumpen constabulary who have dragged up a nine year old accusation that he had pornography on his office computer.  As someone else asked, how many middle-aged men do you know who have never had porn on their computers at some time?  Anyway, Mr. Hodges does the decent thing and despite his politics he reverts to proper legal decency which is more than some embittered old 'Plods' have done.

 

Even Tom Wolfe couldn't invent this one:   On another site, I have been 'introduced', sort of, to some rum cove called Ta-Nehisi Coates - no, really, that's his name.  His Wiki page made me giggle.  He is one of seven children produced by his father with four different women.  He attended a college, mainly due to the fact that his father worked there but he failed to graduate.  Happily, he did take to books in a big way and that gave him an ability to express his opinions.  Unhappily, as far as I can make out, his views are those of a virulent black racist, so he's not so very different from who-ever is running the KKK.  Needless to say, this ignorant prat is beloved of the American media.  Is it any wonder that 'The Donald' won the presidency?

 

No more Rumbles today

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 19.11.17

Brace up!   Yes, I do realise that, like me, you have just stumbled out of bed and swallowed your toast as you shuffled round your kitchen in your 'jimjams' with a mug of tea clutched in your hand - oh, alright then, coffee, if you are American - and having slumped down before your computer, the very last thing you want to look at is this photograph, but 'Man Up!', you don't come to D&N for a good time, er, in fact, I'm not sure why anyone comes to this blog at all but that, perhaps, is a question for another day, in the meantime cast your eyes on this delicious photo:

Warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it?  Sublime young love!

Now, for goodness sake, mop up the tea/coffee from your keyboard!

 

Zimbabwe: Out of the frying pan into the ovens!   So, that nasty mass-murderer and thief, Robert Mugabe, has, well, not so much been overthrown as politely shown the door.  And on the streets the mugs the people are celebrating which is a bit odd given that the man who is taking over is - wait for it! - another mass murderer and thief, Emerson Mnangagwa, who made his name (if you can call it that) by overseeing the slaughter of tens of thousands of Ndebeles in Matabeleland.  Well, good luck with that one, Zimbabwe!

 

"This most Marie Antoinettish of monarchs-in-waiting":   Ouch!  Now, if I was Prince Charles ("Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir!"), I might burst into tears at that cruel - but spot-on accurate - jest.  Thank heavens that Julie Burchill is unlikely ever to write anything about me!

Prince Charles wearing traditional Saudi uniform (image: Getty)

Alas, poor Charles, being an archetypal "straight-backed chinless wonder" (© John Osborne from Look Back in Anger) has earned a lashing from Ms. Burchill because one of his early letters has come to light in which he displays some vintage, one might almost say, 'rotting', anti-Semitism.  I will not attempt to paraphrase darling Julie - I wouldn't dare! - but do read her piece, it is the equivalent of one of those lashings that our Arab friends enjoy so much.

 

Pure, undiluted acid - delicious!   I just 'lurve' The National Review.  Normally it provides a serious commentary, mostly on American politics, but occasionally, perhaps provoked by the stinking swamp, they lose their 'cool' and just let rip!  Today, Mr. Kevin D. Williamson has had his muzzle removed and been let off the leash.  Alas, whilst he obviously has a deep and abiding detestation of Mr. Steven Mnuchin, who is Trump's Treasury Secretary, Mr. Williamson forgets his gentlemanly manners and stomps all over Ms. Louise Linton, Mr. Mnuchin's third wife who, whatever else she is, is gorgeous!

 As The Sun (We love it!) put it, it obviously shows that Mr. Mnuchin has a good eye for figures!  Anyway, I will leave you to check the link and enjoy Mr. Williamson's obliteration of the lady but as a taster, this is what he thinks of Mr. Mnuchin:

Mnuchin, formerly of Goldman Sachs, is pure Wall Street malignity in concentrated form, a guy who looks like he was born wearing a blue suit and braces. And that, in itself, is okay: A little Scrooge McDuck–style sphincter-clenching is kind of what you want in a Treasury secretary. But Mnuchin is not satisfied to be a pure example of one kind of awful: He has to adulterate his Wall Street awfulness with Hollywood awfulness. You’ll see his name in the credits of a few big-budget movies (including the recent Wonder Woman film and The LEGO Movie) and on a bunch of campaign-donation checks written to Barack Obama, Hillary Rodham Clinton, John Kerry, Al Gore, Kamala Harris, and other erstwhile friends of Wall Street. But movies are where his heart is.

Crikey!

 

Better watch out, the US Navy is about!   In view of the multiple collisions involving ships of the 7th Fleet - there have been five so far this year! - it is being proposed that all US ships must have a rowing boat in front of them carrying a sailor with a loud hailer!  According to Mr. Rick Moran at The American Thinker, the reason for this spate of collisions is not at all clear but I have a sneaking suspicion that our favourite American ex-matelot from deepest Arkansas may be a conduit for some of Barney Magroo's hooch produced 'up in them thar hills'.  Only a suspicion, mind!

 

 

No more Rumbles today

 

What took them so long?

At last, after 30 increasingly painful and criminal years, that arch rogue, thief and murderer, Robert Mugabe, has been overthrown and one can only wonder why it took the Zimbabwean army that long?  Well, the answer is fairly obvious, they were in for the rich, criminal pickings themselves and it seems that only their fear of his apparently lunatic wife forced them to act.

The question now, is what to do with the vicious, thieving ratbag? I would suggest stripping him naked and dropping him in the middle of a desert or a jungle!  The other good news is that 'Jezza' will be broken-hearted, well, he would be if he had a heart!  

The Sunday Rumble: 21.5.17

Aaaaaargh, it's that wedding again!   I shuffle up here to my attic, switch on this computer-thingie in order to read the Sunday papers (without which, of course, I would have no opinions about anything) and all I see is page after page after page telling me about 'The Wedding' - which is the one thing I already have an opinion on!  My dears, the whole thing looked ghastly and the 'yuuuuge' number of kiddie-winkies let loose to inflict their mayhem obviously required the use of several Tasers!  Sorry to be grumpy but obviously my invitation went astray in the post so I am not inclined to be generous!

 

The vicar's daughter reminds us of biblical truth:   'The good lord giveth and the good lord taketh away' - or something like that, my biblical studies, like the rest of my studies, were never very good.  Anyway, that Mrs. May, having come on as more socialist than Aneurin Bevan suddenly whips out her cosh and gives us poor, old-age pensioners a whack.  Apparently, the £300-odd quid that that nice, well brought up, Mr. Cameron used to send me and the missus every winter to pay for a sack of coal to keep us warm in the winter, is to be stopped.  I am shocked, I tell you, shocked!  Come back, Dave, I never meant to call you 'dim'!

 

That Peter Hitchens 'is a very naughty boy':   It's worth reading him in The Mail on Sunday because it saves you the trouble of taking a cold shower!  After dishing out various kicks and punches aimed at our sloppy thinking he ends his commentary today by providing a tip as to who is up and who is down in the 'Power Stakes'.  He suggests that you should watch and note who visits whom.  The one who visits is the junior, as in President Macron visits 'Mutti' Merkel, and 'The Donald' visits the king of Saudi Arabia.  'Nuff said!

 

"The horror, oh, the horror":   There is some advantage in living in a rain-swept, chilly island when you consider that yesterday, in 'San Fran' (where else?) they had a "Summer of Love" parade in which the participants were stark naked.  And no, nothing on earth would induce me to publish photos of the event.

 

Fox is fuxed:   A few years ago when I was able to contribute to the upkeep of my 'ex-Best Friend', Rupe, and his sundry wives, I used to be a keen watcher of Fox News.  One of my favourite programmes was called "The Five" in which five commentators discussed current events.  Obviously, Fox being Fox, most of them were Right-wingers but they always had a 'stat-Leftie' present in the somewhat unlovely shape of Bob Beckel.  I liked him because he raised grumpiness to new levels.  He was also, on occasions, quite funny but his disdain for all things conservative was often vituperative.  Last week, this doyen of the progressive movement was fired - for making racist remarks to a black employee  Simply too, too delicious!

 

Oh no - say it ain't so!   Having ducked and dived my way through the saturation coverage of Pippa's wedding, suddenly a thought occurred - Harry and Meghan are probably next!  I think I may sail round the world on one of those titchy sailing boats!

 

Find that brolly fast!   The Met Office is forecasting a heatwave - and we all know what that means!

 

Tragedy or farce?   There is a small story in The Telegraph concerning a South African hunter who was crushed to death by an elephant.  He was a professional hunter leading a party of his customers when they blundered into a herd of elephants which went berserk.  One of them lifted the man using its trunk but was then shot and in collapsing crushed the man to death.  I confess that at first I smiled but then I learned that the man had five children and so I gave myself a slap!  What do you think?

 

No more rumbles today

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 31.7.16

Are men becoming (even more) juvenile?   I ask because two of the chaps who regularly appear in these distinguished columns keep referring to their ladies as, respectively, "Fluffbun" and "Honey Pie".  For God's sake, chaps, man up!  A respectful title such as 'Memsahib', or even better if you are guiltily aware of some misdemeanour, "Your majesty", is quite sufficient.

 

'That other woman' scores again:   According to The Telegraph, Mrs. May has encouraged her new International Development Secretary to use the £11 'squillion' quid which Dave 'n' George gave away to sundry African/Asian 'gangstas' as "leverage" to encourage them to sign new trade deals.  Of course, "leverage" is Whitehall-speak for bribery but what can one say except 'jolly good show'!

 

Nelson wept:   Yesterday, someone spotted a tear trickling down the face of Horatio Nelson as he stood patiently on his column in Trafalgar Square:

Apparently he had just heard the news that the Royal Navy's entire fleet of Type 45 Destroyers was tied up in the docks.  They cost about a billion quid each and are packed full of the latest gizmos to offer Her Majesty's grateful subjects protection from air attack.  A 'spokesidiot' insisted that it had nothing to do with the unfortunate fact that most of their engines failed to work properly when on duty in the Persian Gulf.  Must have bought them from 'Duff Motors'!

 

The man's a nutter or a netter!   I have just watched some poor man who is obviously suffering with severe brain damage collected over his years as a Hollywood stuntman who jumped from a 'plane at 25,000 feet without a parachute and who landed in a net!  I assume that in several of his previous jumps he landed on his head!  Had it been me, I suspect my poo would have hit the net long before I did!

 

I want you to consider closely Hillary's tongue:   Oh come on, try, I know it's the stuff of nightmares but Mr. Lifson of The American Thinker has recently made it his life's work!

 That is definitely a hole in her tongue.  Is it, one wonders, the route by which all those lies slip out?  Mr. Lifson, quoting others, suggests it might be the result of a biopsy which, along with her constant throat clearing might make one wonder about her health.

 

The day I led the German Grand Prix:   I may have mentioned this before - sorry, did you say something? - but I once led the German Grand Prix round the Hockenheim circuit.  No, I wasn't driving a Ferrari or a Mercedes, I was actually behind the wheel of a Ford Transit van - yeeeeees, quite!  Behind me on a trailer was a vintage BRM racing car once raced by Jackie Stewart.  Also on the trailer were two lovelies, the 'Memsahib' and her best friend, waving to the crowd and throwing samples of Yardley's after-shave to them because that was what we were promoting.  It was a thrilling drive but in the end I had to pull into the paddock because all those 'Flash Harries' wanted to race around in those silly cars.  Anyway, today's race was won by that frightfully decent black chap, Lewis Hamilton, who is a credit to England - and it stuck it to all those Huns - Heh! Heh!

 

No more rumbles today

 

A letter to my new ex-best friend, 'Rupe'

Dear 'Rupe',

Look, I'm sorry we fell out over my subscription to Sky TV despite you providing me with a 'sat dish' and all that but, frankly, as the rates went up, up and away in order to pay for all those obscenely rich footie players, to say nothing of your sundry wives, it all became too much. 

However, I have remained steadfast in your support by always watching Sky News on my Free-Serve network.  Of course, part of the reason is that I loath and detest BBC non-News which has become increasingly like a broadcast edition of 'The Graun'!  Even so, from time to time you test my patience, Sir, like, for instance, the last two days.

Someone in your news hierarchy has decided that we are all fascinated with that legless, 'Seth Efrican' yob who pumped several bullets into his girlfriend's body as she cowered in her bathroom.  Quite apart from the fact that 'Seth Efrican' is incomprehensible to most Brits and thus most of his re-sentencing trial requires sub-titles, no-one gives a flying fig about the wretched man anyway!  One hopes that sooner rather than later they just take him out and hang him but in the meantime we, or at least, I, am sick and tired of having the entire news schedule taken over by this boring-snoring trial.

So, please, 'Rupe', me old mate, give us a break and above all give us the rest of the news!

Best Wishes to you and the latest Missus,

David Duff

 

 

Pots and kettles, Dave

Normally, if asked, I would prefer to read Vince Cable's laundry list than plough through one of his political essays but there is always an exception to every rule.  At The Coffee House yesterday, he poked 'Dim Dave' in the eye with a sharp stick following Dave's inadvertent admission that, in effect, Nigeria and Afghanistan are up to their fat necks in corruption.  Normally, of course, I would shrug and mutter 'so what?' and move on but then I recalled that Dave sends Nigeria around £300 million of MY money every year.  So what's going on, Dave?  If I was still a shifty, cynical, second-hand car dealer I might think 'you was on a bung, know wot I mean, Dave?' Happily, these days I am an elderly retiree with impeccable credentials, well, I printed them myself!  Dave, of course, calls it 'aid' but given that Nigeria is attempting to operate its own space agency do they really need any aid?

Again, some equally shifty types, I refer to that band of back-stabbing 'bruvs', the London estate agents, might suggest that eventually all that bent dosh comes home to Mummy in the form of galloping price rises in the London housing market - or at least, the posh bits of London, so what's not to like?  Possibly but if you're a nurse or a bus-driver trying to house your family in London then rocketing house prices do not help.

Mr. Cable also points out, no doubt with malice aforethought, that if Dave, and by implication, George, really think something must be done they should make a start with the various so-called 'Crown territories' who supply most of the safe havens for ripped off money.

Half of the companies featured in the Panama Papers were registered in British-administered tax havens.  These overseas territories vary in the degree of venality and abuse they accommodate but collectively they are dragging our British brand through the mud. And they all depend on secrecy. After all, money laundering is not just linked to lavish lifestyles; it is also tied up with tax evasion, illegal arms dealing, drug smuggling and fraud.

So come on, Dave, purse those little lips of yours to show how much you really, really care and at your forthcoming PR junket conference on international corruption lets hear you spell out exactly what measures you will take against these British dependencies and their corrupt practices.

 

A small ray of light and hope from South Africa

I have confessed before about my abysmal ignorance of most things African and especially South African.  From this distance, and with my appalling lack of knowledge, it would simply be idiotic for me to comment on their affairs - and yes, you're right, it hasn't stopped me on other subjects, thank you for reminding me!  Even so, I do detect some signs of hope emanating from South Africa.  I thought the 'due process' that eventually dealt with Oscar Pistorius was admirable.  However, the real test - which has still to reach a conclusion - has been the on-going legal action against their own President, Jacob Zuma, who faces 783 - yes, 783! - charges of fraud, corruption and racketeering.

According to The Telegraph, prior to the presidential election in 2009 the prosecutors dropped all charges against him and he was thus able to win election.  Now, however,  Mr Justice Aubrey Ledwaba of the Pretoria High Court has laid into the prosecutors for their "misguided" and "inexplicable" action and has re-instated the legal process against the President.  Well, good luck with that one, Aubrey, old chap but if I were you I would have a care crossing the road in the near future!

 

Is it because he has a titchy willy?

I refer, of course, to Mr. Walter Palmer of Bloomington, Minnesota, a tooth-puller by trade and an animal killer by inclination.  He is the proud owner of the head of 'Cecil the Lion', a favourite, apparently, of tourists visiting a National Game Park in Zimbabwe.  (Couldn't they have come up with something more, er, 'butch' as a name than 'Cecil' for such a magnificent beast?)  Here is a photo of him lying down with one of his 'pals', courtesy of The Mail which has the full story:

 

Apparently, 'Little Willy' Walter Palmer and his Zimbabwean guide went in for some dodgy practices in order to lure 'Cecil' out of the Park area where hunting is forbidden and thus allowing 'Little Willy' to shoot the beast with a crossbow.  This only wounded the animal and they had to track him for a couple of days before finishing him off with a rifle.  He was then beheaded and skinned.

'Little Willy' has previous in this kind of thing, pleading guilty a few years ago to lying over an infringements of rules in an American Game Park.  Here he is with another trophy:

What a 'He-man'!

Now I stand before you, so to speak, conflicted (is that the correct word these days?) over this story.  I am well aware that 'Cecil' was definitely no 'Goody Four Paws'.  His kill rate amongst all the other 'cuddly-wuddly' creatures in his 'hood was pretty huge.  But at least he did it out of necessity. He did it to stay alive.  'Titchy Willy', on the other hand, carries out his slaughter for - dread word - fun!  Or perhaps pleasure is a more accurate word because there is, one feels after looking at various pictures of 'Little Willy' and his dead trophies, something distinctly masturbatory about this practice.  Notice, for example, that he strips off to the waist before hugging his dead leopard and flexing his muscles.

Now, as I indicated, I am at risk of sounding hypocritical because, for example, I support the practice of hunting foxes on horseback here in the UK.  So, as someone else said not too long ago in a different context, "What, at this moment, does it matter?"  Well, I can only dissolve into utter soppiness and produce one word - beauty!  You really do need a heart of stone - and a very small willy - to deliberately stalk and kill an animal of such awe-inspiring beauty.  And it's not as though you require any courage to do it.  Armed with an enormously powerful rifle and with a couple of equally well-armed guides there is little or no chance of the hunter suddenly becoming the hunted.  It is cold-blooded slaughter.

What interests me now is whether or not the Zimbabwean judicial system will seek the extradition of 'Little Willy' and if they do, what will be the re-action of the (non)Justice Department of the USA who are so fond of reaching out world-wide for the collars of those they accuse of wrong-doing.  Will they allow 'Little Willy' to be extradited?  Don't hold your breath!

 

'So, the other day I 'ad this cheetah in my cab ...'

It's difficult to tell who is the most affronted in this photo from The Telegraph:

Photo: Barcroft

The gentleman concerned, or should I say, the concerned gentleman, is Mr. Mickey McCaldin, an Irish tourist visiting Kenya's Maasai Mara game reserve.  The spotted intruder who jumped in without so much as a 'by your leave' did not leave his name!

According to Mr. David Horsey, who took the photo:

"The [cheetah] family had been looking for a gazelle for a few days with no luck.

"As we'd been [following the cheetah family] around for a couple of days, I think they were used to the jeep so the mum jumped on top to get a better view.

"I think the other cheetah tried to follow her up but went a different way.

"Once it had got bored of Mickey it turned away and looked out of the vehicle for a few minutes.

"It just jumped out afterwards."

Pheeeew!  I bet the 'Oirish' celebrations that night went on for some time and I understand the local lions complained about the noise and the hippos said, "Heh! There goes the neighbourhood."

 

Bad luck, Goodluck, and good luck Nigeria

This being April 1st I wondered if the result of the Nigerian election was simply an elaborate April Fool joke but, no, apparently Mr. Goodluck Jonathan, the former president, has handed over the moneybags keys of office to his opponent, ex-General Muhammadu Buhari, following an election which was, by African standards, reasonably  fair and square.  But the extraordinary thing of it all is that this is the first time in Nigeria's history as an independent country that one regime has handed over power to another following an election.  I hesitate to write much - anything, really - about Nigeria given my abysmal ignorance of the country.  I await some experienced opinion from my e-pal Tim Newman who spent some time there in the oil industry.  (Come on, Newman, stop slacking around all those Parisian restaurants and tell us what you think!)

From the very little I know of Buhari's past record the omens are not good.  He has two major crises to face, Boko Haram and endemic corruption.  His military background might help with the former but how anyone can deal with the latter is beyond me.  It seems to me that when corruption reaches the scale of that in Nigeria where it permeates every facet of life from top to bottom, then it becomes part of the economy and any effort to hack it back will have severe effects on everyone - so good luck with that one, Muhammadu!

By the way, you will notice that at long last I have corrected my gross error by adding 'Africa' to my 'Category' list.  Better late than never!